But when we are apart, I feel it too
And no matter what I do, I feel the pain
with or without you
Baby I don't understand
Just why we can't be lovers
Things are getting out of hand
Trying too much, but baby we can't win
Let it go If you want me girl, let me know
I am down on my knees I can't take it anymore
Blah, blah, blah, right? I know, I know. Trying to gain the sympathy card is so last year and two seasons ago.
Whatever, I do what I want.
And my version of this song would not apply to any girls (sorry ladies).
I re-sync'ed my ipod to my laptop about a week ago and added a ton of songs that are new to the ipod's memory (this is interesting only because my ipod has been playing the same songs since I left Missouri - well over a year ago). Including the above (and the rest of the lyrics) little ditty called "It's Tearing Up My Heart" by NSYNC. It's funny how a song from the nineties will apply so much to the now.
In the not so distance past things between myself and Cole ended. If he reads this, he will probably roll his eyes and make that chuckling noise. Oh well.
I have had my share of one-nighters and weekend trysts. I've had even less real relationships. Cole was something so entirely different. I was never challenged by anyone I have ever been with until him. The beginning was amazing. Difficult at times, but amazing nonetheless.
Somewhere along the road things changed. I know for a fact that I did not change, it resulted from something else.
Our chances and times to hang out started to go away completely. Almost every night was changed to a few times a week. Then, I was lucky enough to see him twice a week. Next up, nothing but every other week. The typical man-gets-rid-of-man sequence was made possible by the original just-stop-talking-to-each-other play.
The lyrics I copied and pasted above speak exactly to how Cole and I worked. At times, I hated being with him. He would drive me insane and I would want nothing but to be away. Yet, when I was away from him, I would want nothing but to be with him. Is it possible to be so simultaneously obsessed and annoyed by one person?
I removed him from my friends on facebook and myspace while also deleting his phone number from my cell (admittedly not before I recorded it into my telephone/address black book). He wrote me thinking this was what my wrath looks like but to be honest, it's not. I'm trying to avoid jealousy and more heart problems... ahem. Try not to let out the fact that I actually do have a heart: I have a reputation to uphold. I felt the step was necessary for me to try and get over the man. Getting fucked and ignored in the same day is not something I ever want to happen again. Well, that can't be avoided with one night stands, haha, but definitely should not happen with someone you used to (used to? do I really mean past tense?) love.
I learned from us. And if the rest of the song plays out it's going to be a bumpy ride. But hey, Fievel didn't go west to be stuck in heartbreak-mode.
This entry is not a plea to get him back. It's just me writing things out. I do that, and have for a long time. I miss the guy something fierce but every day that "miss you" factor decreases.
Whoever said it was right, time heals everything. It's going to hurt, but every thing's going to be okay.
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