My first Christmas here, I get dumped on Christmas day by Michael. By far the shittiest move yet. Last year, Christmas came right after Cole and I imploded; while he was exploding all over some other guy. Come to think of it, Michael was too.
This year, Brandon goes home for the holidays. Which is no way the problem. The frustration I'm feeling is that I did not know he was doing that until yesterday. Yeah, two days before Christmas.
That means, all this time while friends and acquaintances have been asking us what we're doing for the holidays and we've both replied "not sure yet" to which I normally follow up with "it kinda depends on his family's plans" I have just looked like a fool.
A fool because the entire time he probably knew he was going home and that I wouldn't be with him. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, I had been wondering if this would be when I would meet his family. I worried about it, I was scared about it, and all those emotions were for nothing.
I wouldn't have minded putting off meeting them until he and I were farther along in our relationship I just would have liked to have had that made clear. Not two days before one of America's biggest holidays when family and friends mean the most.
All this time I sounded so delusional. I was such an idiot and such a fool. And I can't help but think he allowed me to continue making myself look that way.
I've hated Christmas time ever since I moved to Seattle and this year hasn't changed that feeling one bit.
1 comment:
Feel better Josh. Maybe he didn't tell you because 1. he didn't know or 2. he didn't want you to feel bad that he wasn't going to intro you to his family over Christmas. Just talk to him about it. You have lots of friends who love you and are thinking about you today!
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