Originally, I had planned to turn that Almond Joy advertisement into something witty about how I feel like writing. I failed, obviously. However, I still want to write!
I just don't have anything totally interesting or amazingly awesome going on right now that anyone would (read: might) be interested in reading about. Although I don't want to seem like I'm ignoring my blog either (which is debatable).
Christmas is on its way. I can definitely feel the excitement in the air. It's almost as palpable as my enthusiasm over Halloween.
This will be my first major holiday attached to someone else. It's a pretty neat feeling but also a scary one. Will this be the first time I meet Brandon's family? Seven months seems like an awkward amount, both long and not long enough, of a block of time. I'll let him decide as I'm, honestly, scared to meet his family.
The project I've been working on with my cousin, Matt, has come to a slight bump in the road. Mainly on my end as I'm lacking the desire to create new material and instead wishing I had his knowledge to do the visual aspects. Maybe I should start teaching myself. It's not really like I do much at my job...
My mind is always working. Sometimes, I wonder if other people think in the same manner that I do, and for some reason, I can't see that as being possible (my mind is so F-ed in so many ways), meaning that it's always working, always processing, and always thinking creatively (even in ways that are not good for me).
I'm sure Brandon would tell you I'm weird, which I will not deny, or stuck in a fantasy world but I have some good ideas! I promise! The problem is organizing them into strings of thought that others can follow.
I have two different novels I want to write but I lack the desire/know-how/means to start working on them. I'm sure that if I could start, I would finish successfully. Maybe I need some more alone time (as if this past weekend wasn't long enough - I missed the hell out of Brandon while he was out of town). However, the ideas behind these creations are sitting in my head and need some form of release.
When bored or frustrated or annoyed, busy-work tends to organize me. My mind latches on to mundane things like organizing my desk, cleaning our room, doing dishes, finishing laundry, and helps me cope with whatever is rubbing me the wrong (I struggle here with using the word "wrong" as things are not necessarily "bad" but not "perfect" either) way.
I've been busy, lately, with social obligations. And for someone who is independent and almost anti-social by nature, times like these coupled with my job being entirely customer oriented, gives me very little solo-time. That probably explains why I'm feeling such aversion towards my housemates. Not that I dislike them but I'm just not feeling sociable at all so having to interact while I'm at home, which should feel like my safe-zone, just irritates the hell out of me.
Speaking of which, I verbally accosted (sounds more mean than the experience actually was) one of them for leaving absolutely every door and drawer in our kitchen open for two days (I made a point - if only to myself - by not shutting any of them during this time) regarding everything being left open. That person said he thought I was joking. I replied quickly, and without really thinking about what I was saying that "I never joke." Which is a lie. I do joke, but my jokes (I put some thought into this afterwards) always stem from something I believe or I know to be true.
It's funny, writing that out, that I get angry afterwards with seeing no results from my "jokes". I know, to myself, that my joking around is actually serious and others think I'm just playing when I really mean everything I just said. Convoluted as hell but that's the way my cookie crumbles (or should I say Almond Joy as that's how this post began - Almond Joys are gross, by the way). People telling me to lighten up are totally in the right as I see now that I'm so very very high-strung.
I'm tired of writing now so I'm going to stop. You now know, or may have already figured this out if you know me in real-life, more about how I operate. Enjoy!
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