Foot Prints

Have you ever heard the quote "People walk in and out of your life all the time. There are some people, however, who leave footprints all over your heart."

Probably not because I can't for the life of me remember exactly how the quote goes. The first time I read it, I thought that it was something sappy about being touched by someone else who is no longer a part of your life. Now, after having written it out, I feel like it might also be taken as meaning someone walking over someone else.

I'm here to write about the former. I don't want this to really come off as regretful or sad, only gratefully reflective.

This weekend, I had the amazing opportunity to go back to Kirksville. Kirksville was the center of so much for me for so long. I spent five years of my life in this town changing from one person to the next while also experiencing college. My undergraduate career was chock full of revelations, expansions, sorrows, joys, ups, downs, ... this list of descriptives could go on forever. However, I feel that this is very true for almost every individual.

My fraternity had its annual alumni weekend this weekend and I was actually able to afford to go. After I bought my tickets back to Missouri I was totally deeper in the poor house than ever before, but, I survived and was able to see people who I had not seen in a very long time.

One of my biggest inner concerns was actually seeing these people. You have to understand some things about me and Kirksville. In this town, I had a lot of friends. More than I knew how to handle and could please. Yet, in pretty much 98% of the relationships, I was in control and could dictate whatever happened and when things happened. It's difficult leaving an environment that caters so much to you. Especially coming to a city like Seattle that has no idea who you are and definitely does not care. I was worried that returning to Kirksville would wake back up everything I had left behind and that I would get stuck into the life I had pushed myself out of when I left Missouri for Washington.

I really should not have worried. By the end of Friday, at the karaoke party, I realized how much I missed the Seattle scene and being tied to and associated with something larger than partying in a small town that no one has ever heard of. It sounds a bit selfish, but everything was the same. Nothing has changed. People are still drunkards and there's still drama leaking out of everything. There were people who actively ignored me. People who used to talk to me. Yeah, we may not have been the greatest of friends, but there was never ignoring involved. Personality wise, if you ignore me, I will ignore you back. Simple fact.

The point of the weekend wasn't the haters anyways. The focus was seeing the people I loved. Those who really have left footprints on my heart and impressions in my soul. They absolutely know who they are. They also know that although my ass is way out here, I'm not going anywhere as far as friendships are concerned. They just need to get their asses out to Seattle to visit my poor ass.

I also got the chance to finally talk face to face with my ex (we broke up via phone last summer and have not seen this ex since). As far as relationships have gone for me, this one was one of the most influential. He and I finally got to lay to rest some things that had been going on for both of us and finalize who and what the two of us are to each other. Closure is a double edged sword. It's both relieving and saddening. However, this guy is amazing and will definitely always be someone that I will look up to. He absolutely deserves everything good out of life.

I left Kirksville knowing that those friends that I had made there, and actually called my friends,
will always be my friends. No matter what. I also left knowing that I was completely free of some ties to that town.

The closer I got to Seattle the happier and more excited I was. Seattle is where I am supposed to be now. Everything always happens for a reason and happens the way it is supposed to happen. I am where I am because I am supposed to be. Everyone I meet now, I am supposed to meet. The lessons they have to teach me are critical in some manner; I only need to recognize what that lesson is.

That also being said: I will not settle. I will not chase. I will not hold someone else up through life. I know exactly what I want out of someone to spend the rest of my life with and if the people I meet don't fit those requirements, then, romantically, there is no point in pursuance. I feel like my new found self-control and increased confidence is only going to aid me in the completion of these goals.

I will not fail because it's simply something I do not do. I do not have time for people who are actively trying to hold me back or put me down.

The entire world is still out there for the experiencing. I'll be damned if I will let this short life of mine be mediocre.

Cheers.