Observations

It's been a long time again. Maybe I suck at this whole blog thing, ha ha. I mean really, only Joel and Abbie read it anymore. Oh well.

A lot has happened since Thanksgiving. Oh yeah, definitely a lot.

I thought about making this post simply about things I've observed of people doing while here in Seattle but what I find interesting in people watching isn't always something that others would want to read about.

So I'm going to give you some background on something I know you'll love: my life. Ha ha!

Soccer is over for now. The regular season doesn't start back up until March or something. I did get offers to play for two more teams but decided against it. For one, the indoor team is way too expensive. I would love to do it, but my free time is hosed and my pockets are very empty. The other team just seems like it would be adding to the stress in my life rather than being a method for relaxation and fun. I've been on super competitive teams before and while I enjoy the challenge and having teammates who are competent I don't want my soccer game days to be ones where I am stressed out. The big tournament next season is in London. I think I missed my chance at being a part of it because I missed both tryout days. I had to work for City Year on both tryouts and am pretty sure that there are more than enough people wanting my spot for the team being sent to London. Oh well, I probably couldn't have afforded that either.

City Year has been busy as well. I went through one of my craptastic phases and laid into City Year a few weeks ago. The result wasn't pretty. I had problems with absolutely everything that went on and even snapped at a few of my kids. Even going so far as to antagonize two middle school girls who admittedly had smart mouths but should have also been handled a lot better by someone my age. I did my normal thing of revenge seeking as well and stopped doing work for my boss and my service leader. I just did whatever I wanted each day and even went so far as to leave work early one day. My goal was to piss them off or hurt them in some backhanded fashion and although I think I succeeded, I also succeeded in doing something I didn't want to do: hurt my team. Talking with my boss wasn't helping to change my disposition. I don't know if that's because of the way we both work out conflict or because he was one of the targets of my wrath. However, talking to another person who works for City Year helped, Petaki. I am positive that her insights as well as my blossoming sense that I was fucking up my team as well helped me to change my mood around.

I tried an experiment to see how I could fix things. I went into work as my old self. Jokingly, stupid, and playful. My team and my bosses noticed and thanked me for it. Things were on the up and my play acting started to have a positive affect on me as well. I went home to Missouri back on the ups with City Year and those I work closely with.

I left early December to head back home for my sister, Ashley's, wedding. She didn't want to have a huge wedding so she invited maybe 100 people. Unfortunately, it was snowing very badly in the Midwest. She had maybe 50 show up. Even still, everything turned out nicely and it was great to see my Missouri family. I even got to meet Ashley's baby, my niece, Aubrey. Aubrey was 6 weeks old at the time and still very little. I got to even hold her! I wish that there had been more chances for that, but everyone and everything was very busy while I was there. I got to keep her company for a bit during the reception part of the wedding, but there were also a ton of other wedding visitors who wanted to see Aubrey as well. My brother, Brandon, and I also did a dance called the Soldier Boy during the reception for everyone. It was hilarious. My family was like "We had no idea you guys could dance!" I just smiled and thought "Oh, if you only knew."

While I was in Columbia, I got to see some of my friends from college as well. David, Abbie, Julie, and Colleen were all at David and Abbie's house with a few other people. We had a holiday party and it was just really good to be with them again. They were so very constant in my life while I was at Truman that being over here in the Pacific Northwest without them has left me a little adrift. More people were going to be there, but the weather kept people away. David ended up taking me back to my dad's house that night but I had to make him pull over so I could throw up outside his car. Yeah, it was a typical Josh moment.

Coming back, I had convinced that guy I mentioned in my last post to come pick me up from the airport. His name is Mike but I call him Michael. Who knows why. I have a thing with names. That night we went to his friend, Phillip's, house for a little Sunday get together that they all do. Someone makes dinner (this night was Michael's night and he was making gumbo) and they watch a series of shows together. This was my first time at the Sunday night thing even though I had been invited many times before.

My situation with Michael is a bit weird. I liked/like him a lot. Which is hard for me to get out because I really do not like opening up. I know that for most of my friends, I wear my emotions on my sleeve, but in the case of strangers and those I hardly know, I view opening up as a weakness. Mike and I would do a lot of things together. Each of us being pretty busy. Me working two jobs, him having a real full time job. Most nights that I didn't have to work at the Gap I would stay over at his house and just wear the same uniform parts for City Year the next day while having packed a Gap outfit for work there the following night. I traveled heavy most days with my trademark bag. This relationship is weird because I allowed Michael in so fast. I typically don't do that. I have no clue why I fell so hard so fast.

One other thing that I started to notice was my pulling away from everyone else. Everything that I wanted to do would be with Mike and I was becoming content. I stopped hanging out with my other friends. And in any sense, I was still extremely busy but I used that as an excuse to justify using my free time to be with Michael instead of the other people I have met while in Seattle. I recognized this because it was something I had seen and been a part of with other friends of mine who have come across significant others. Except I was always one of the ones who was left behind and now I started to see that I was doing what I hated when other friends of mine who were part of couples were doing. And for some reason, I didn't care. I kept saying, things will calm down and I will have more breathing room.

I loved hanging out with Michael every opportunity I got. It reminded me intensely of another relationship of mine in the past that I sworn to secrecy about - ha ha, oops. I loved being woken up every morning by him throwing a pillow over my face so that when he turned on the light to get ready for work the light wouldn't keep me up. I loved that we both had the same taste in music. I loved that he had a car. I loved that he was masculine. I loved how he would plug my phone into his charger every time he left in the morning so my phone wouldn't die. I loved that he had a sense of humor and was much more easy going and outgoing than I am.

A couple of years ago, a guy I was kind of seeing in Ohio decided that he wanted to rape me. Well, maybe he didn't really decide other than that in the moment that is what happened. I am not writing about this out of a need for pity or for sympathy, it's just a statement to help tie together the importance of a later topic. This is a statement of fact that I have accepted as having happened and is not something that has lasting impression on my life. This guy tried forcing himself into me without any type of condom or lubricant. I told him to stop. Multiple times. For a second or two, or maybe more, I was in shock. I started thinking "Is this really happening to me? Am I really being raped?" Then I told myself "Oh hell no." I waited, and when the time was right, I lashed out. Two years of Krav Maga, a lifetime of wrestling with my brothers, the angst of a young man, and the determination of not being made a victim was all connected into one single attack. I left that guy unconscious on his bed and drove back to my mom's house where I was staying while in Ohio. He tried calling later, probably to see if I was going to press charges or something, but I ignored him. I even went so far as to delete his number from my cell phone. If you know me, then you know I have to be prepared and that I keep every bit of information just because some part of me thinks it may be useful later. I deleted his number and therefore any type of connection between the two of us. I don't need him anymore. I went through every, uh, relationship? Fling? Hook up? from thereafter never engaging in that part of man on man intercourse. It hurt too much. I bleed now with large stools and always have since that night. The doctor checked and can't seem to find something wrong with me, although I can almost pinpoint where the pain is. I can feel it. So, this has to do with Michael in one way. I finally went for and allowed this type of sex to happen. The first time it hurt a lot, but eventually the pain went away. The next time, I had to make him stop. Then the third time, it was fine. I enjoyed it and of course he did too. That was Christmas night.

My Christmas and Christmas Eve was very homesick. I missed my family so much. In my opinion, New Year's should be spent with friends while Thanksgiving and Christmas should be spent with the family. God, how I wanted to be home. This was my first Christmas not with my family. Not visiting my dad's parents the night before. Waking up and opening presents with everyone on Christmas morning. Going to my step mom's parents' house for lunch. Jesus, was I homesick. The one thing I wanted from Seattle was for my Michael to hang out with me during this holiday. He was to get back from his mom's on Christmas Eve. I was planning on staying with him that night and waking up Christmas day with him. We both had the day off and would be the first time in a while that we could sleep in (him working or me having him take me to work) or do whatever. He got home late that night and texted me saying he was going to bed and would call me the next day. I ended up getting an invite to go out to dinner with my boss and his partner on Christmas day at a Chinese restaurant. Since I wasn't going to be with Mike, I took him up on the offer and went with them to dinner. Dinner was good, even great. It was also funny to finally meet my boss' life partner and to see how his personality meshed with my boss'. Later that night, Michael got home from his dad's house for dinner and picked me up. We delivered a few cars that I promised someone I would deliver to driveways so they wouldn't get fined. One of the cars was a manual and I don't know how to drive a stick, but Mike does, so I had him drive that one while I drove the automatic. The night was great. Ronda gave me a free movie rental. Mike and I bought some candy from her. We had snacks, opened Christmas presents that each of us got each other, I drank a little. And then the lights went out. I will spare you the details on that as I know it's not really appropriate for me to lay out here. I will keep that for the next Chinese dinner that Jennifer, Amy, and I have - how I miss those! The day after Christmas was the last I had seen of Michael.

He did his usual of flinging a pillow onto my face, then taking off when the lights were back out and he was leaving. We did the normal goodbye routine and he left for work and I went back to bed for another hour before I had to get up and get ready for work. I didn't know that was the end of things. As far as I knew, things were going really good. He even said that he would call me later and that he might be staying later at his job since he was going to be off for New Year's and needed the extra hours.

He never called that night. And, like a stupid little school girl, I waited next to my phone. He didn't call the next day either so I called him from my work and left a message. Still have not heard back from him. If I'm being ignored as a way to drop me, it's a pretty shitty way to end things. However, I know that I have done this before and been the recipient of this before as well. Never, however, has it been with someone who I had spent over a month of my life with and allowed so deeply into my life before. I know that Michael had some intentions of going to Portland for New Year's but he wouldn't go without telling me he was going and even more, he would call me back. On the one hand, I know that he is still alive, which is a relief, because his myspace keeps being updated with the last time he has logged on (god, I sound like such a stalker!). So it is good to know that he's not lying in a gutter somewhere or got ran over by one of the trains he works on. But I still wish that he would have done something different with the ending of things. It would have still hurt but at least it would have been a finality instead of this weird limbo.

Or, I may be doing something that Dan always got on to me about: Thinking too deeply into things. Maybe this is some time to think or there is some reason and tomorrow everything will be fine again. But for now, this is me.

Welcome to my mind, welcome to this craziness.

Post Thanksgiving

So, it's now Sunday night and tomorrow will mark the return to normalcy. At least for awhile until I head back home for my sister's wedding.

I worked a lot for the holiday, but not at City Year. I pulled more hours than normal at my new second job, Gap. It's funny, because for most of the day, I actually like this job (please knock on wood). I finally got it through to the management that I would rather work on the men's floor even though they constantly stick me in the kids' level. It's easy working with the kids because I have so much experience with it, but that's not where my interests lie, if you get my meaning.

Thanksgiving itself ended up being pretty fun. I went with a guy on my soccer team to his family's get together and it ended being a lot more fun than I was anticipating. Not that I am trying to be mean or had low expectations, just that I was very very unsure about imposing myself onto an established family. The house was extremely nice. I won't go into details because it's not my place, but the family that lived there owned two pure bred Doberman pincers. Now, these are the first dogs like these I've seen in real life. My only experience with them has been their movie representations which are not very friendly. That being said, these dogs were amazing. The food was also fantastic. The man of the house (I say this loosely, as clearly the female was in charge) kept force feeding me wine when I got there, so by the time dinner was ready and I switched to rum & coke, I was already buzzed. I kept my cool though and just proceeded to eat tons of real food (I don't get much while on foodstamps) and to enjoy talking to other people. These people rocked, and I am so glad that this guy on my soccer team had me come down with him.

The rest of everything else has been pretty normal. Save for this dude that I met recently who I have been hanging out a lot with. I am still trying to figure the entire thing out, so be ready for an update on that.

Thanksgiving

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

This is the first big holiday that I've spent away from some aspect of my family. It's a bit weird but also kinda cool. I like that I am adult enough now to be able to be on my own but I can't lie and say that I don't miss my family, because I do.

This is something I better get used to, because Christmas is going to be the same.

Be safe out there, folks. Eat a lot and have fun.

Later gators.

Eventful

So this has been an eventful weekend.

First, Thursday night, the only night that I have off at my second job, I get roped into going to a middle school for a recruitment hit but instead, one of my teammates gets hit by a car right in front of our office. She is okay and is staying home now in a lot of pain, but it scared a crap load of people.

Saturday we had another service event with our students. The rain made everything very unsafe for our students so we had to call it early. It was hard as hell to get parents to come and pick up their kids. I ended up getting left at the park with one of our students whose mom wasn't picking up her phone at all. The mom ended up coming at the regular end time which was over two hours after we had ended the day. I had to bus back through Seattle to my house soaking wet, hungry, and angry. It was not fun.

Saturday night, however, I got to go to a club in Seattle called: R-Place. I like that place only because I like hip hop music. Some of my friends surprised me there and we ended up at Neighbors, another club in Seattle. I had never been to this one before but I was too drunk to really take it all in.

Sunday, I had my normal soccer game, but this one was our Over 30 vs. Under 30 game with my team, Ripple Effect, playing with another team called Savoire Faire. During this, I ended up getting two invites to play with more competitive teams that I am seriously thinking about doing. I will need to start up some training over the winter if I do decide to do it.

We also had a Thanksgiving shindig with all our players tonight on those two teams. I decided that I would bring something that I call "Amy's Fruit Salad" to the dinner. It's basically a watermelon hollowed out and filled with other types of fruit. It looks cool, and that's what I was going for. I made two out of mini watermelons and they were a huge hit.

I also found out today that I somehow was given the Alumni of the Year award from my fraternity. It's crazy. I had no idea I was even up for it. It's cool, I just wish I was back in Kville to celebrate with everyone for it.

For now, I am staying extremely busy and lamenting not being able to see mi madre for Thanksviging.

Cool, not

Holy shit, I haven't posted on here since October 20th. What a slacker I am.

I've been busy. Yeah, I know, easy excuse but it really is the truth. Like I have already mentioned, I work a lot for City Year. This job definitely keeps me busy (which has been surprisingly good for me) and only seems to be getting busier.

Tomorrow will be the culmination of one of the projects my team has been working on for a week now. It is something called a Community Meeting and we are the first team out of the entire corps to host our own Community Meeting. Our theme is going to be Superheroes. Each of us picked two sets of superheroes as table decals and coloring pages for the members to play with while we are meeting and I picked The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and The Power Rangers (original five, thanks). Through some sick twist of fate, only us team members will be allowed to dress up as superheroes for this meeting. I decided upon dressing up as Super Kewpie. My high school mascot was a Kewpie and as such, I will be going as... basically a naked baby. We'll see how that goes over. No one else in the corps is allowed to dress up because of some issues in the past with "unprofessional" costumes. Yeah, that's what I thought too: W.T.F. mate? In any case, I will be hitting it hard as will the rest of my teammates.

I also, somehow, accidentally volunteered myself to do my Life Works during our Community Meeting. I'm going to be the first regular corps member to do their Life Works and although I know all of the material by heart (it is all about me, after all) I am a bit nervous. I've never been a fan of public speaking and this is going to test my comfort zone a little bit. Especially since the entire thing will be me talking about me and exposing myself to a lot of people. Which is also something I don't like to do. Really, everyone, or almost everyone, has heard the biggest controversies that make me who I am so the rest of the Life Works will seem kind of bland. At least I think it will, I can only really speak for myself. While working on this project, I went through a ton of pictures. Mainly pictures off of facebook and myspace as I don't have much here in Seattle as far as tangible pictures of friends and family. Wow, that was probably a mistake. Going back through years of pictures and memories hit me pretty hard. I went to bed a few nights ago completely down and wondering what the fuck I was doing in Seattle when everyone I cared about was somewhere else. I kept thinking: "We had so much fun. Is that gone? Can I bring that back?" There are tons of people I miss but most of them are no longer in Kirksville or Columbia, the only two places I really know in the Midwest. As far as Columbia, only my family is there that I actually think about or miss at all; and David and Abbie, of course. Kirksville... geez, there are a few people there who I can't believe I don't see anymore, but a lot of people that I'm glad I don't see anymore. And that's being honest, you know me if you are reading this, so you know how I am about honesty. Everyone else has moved away and is continuing with their own lives. I think that's one of the things that kept me strong through my little break down (stupid, I know) was knowing that everyone else had plans and was acting on them. I know that what I am doing in Seattle is bigger and more meaningful than myself so in my heart, I know that it is a good thing. I want to be an example for those I am not around anymore. Plus, I am not a quitter. I will finish City Year and do what is meant to be afterwards. If it's staying here, cool, if not, that's cool too.

We finally got moved into Meany Middle School. Now I can say I actually tutor and mentor middle school students instead of just "engage" and do service with them. I was assigned to two different classrooms, a reading and writing class and a science class. Both classes have 8th graders in them. For some reason, I like being around the 8th graders the most - I like their personalities and their minds. They are so cool.

Other work projects are still ongoing. My Substance Abuse LDD is coming along and will be presented at the end of this month. It's finally all coming together and looks great. My Dreams Committee is just starting its business and I am still not sure what will be involved with it. As far as Team Leader recruitment goes... that's a bit rough. I haven't had much luck lately, but I'm still trudging through everything. I was able to talk to the guy in L.A. who has my same position and he had some really good ideas to use.

I got a second job as well. It's at the GAP and I am now working in the Men's department as a salesman. I have very little retail experience, but I can make this happen. This is a very good opportunity for me as it will give me some income flow outside of City Year as well get me into situations where I can meet more people in Seattle. I'm pretty excited about it. And yeah, some of that is probably because I was able to get some much needed new clothes.

However, as a side effect to getting that second job, I will not be able to go visit my mom for Thanksgiving or to visit my dad for Christmas. That is going to blow pretty hard. I'm not going to be the only person here that I know, however, so I will at least be able to do little things while still in Seattle. I will, however, still be able to go back to Columbia for Ashley's wedding in December. I will only be in Columbia Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night (Saturday being the wedding on the 15th) so I plan on making some rounds while I am there. I am pretty sure (although I haven't checked yet) that Truman will be out for Christmas break, so I don't think I will be going up to Kirksville. But I can still do a lot of things in Columbia that will be fun. I would like to go back to Soco just to get that experience again. Maybe compare it a bit to Seattle's nightlife. As well as to hang out with the fam and anyone else I know who is in Columbia at that time (Abbie, David, your asses better be ready to do something - we are not old yet).

My soccer team has been going great and my toes are healing up nicely. I have even joined a running club of City Year employees. The hills here are a whole new experience to the predominantly flat Missouri. They are hard, but I push myself through them and get it done like I normally do. My ipod has become one of my greatest allies here. It and I run a lot of Beacon Hill everyday. Whenever I am at work, I look forward to getting off and being able to run my route on Beacon Hill. I used to hate running, now, that's changed for some reason. I think I blame Dan. That little fucker must have rubbed off on me before we both left Truman. Or, I just keep it as a way to remember him and everyone else.

I've noticed lately that my attitudes and personality has taken a bit of a slip back towards the old Josh. The Josh that was while I was finishing college. Opinionated, stubborn, and fiercely independent. I like that Josh and I'm glad that he's back and the one that arose when I came out here is going away. My heart is made of ice.

I've made the plans and am definitely sure that I will be going back for the next Alumni weekend with Phi Sigma Pi. It will be fun to be on the outside looking in and I am sure that if I go, I can convince other old people to come with me. We can show these new kids what partying is like. None of this stupid shit I am reading about on facebook. Yeah, I facebook-stalk. It's easy and informative. Along with that, a bit, I checked out something out of curiosity and it turns out that someone still harbors some ill feelings towards me. Yeah, you need to find something else to think about. Really. The whole turning me into the bad guy thing is getting very old.

Speaking of thinking about! Last week we had this training called UIR. Or, Undoing Institutionalized Racism. The seminar was abrasive to the max. I took pages worth of notes and am in the process of putting together something cohesive and typed out about the entire experience. I think I'm going to put it up on here, or maybe not. I don't know how long it will be, but I am sure that it is going to be a lot longer than I had originally thought. Plus, I still need to think it all out and by writing about it, I hope to accomplish that. Racism. What a delicate subject.

It's late. For me, at least, since I have get up in time to bus from Beacon Hill to downtown. Plus, I'm 24 now, have been since October 23rd. Does that make me sound old?

OIhsoihsgslhgh

That's the only way I know how to describe everything that's been going on.

I work my butt off, everyday of every week. My team and I are always busy and always doing things with City Year. Aside from that, I try to stay social with the people I have met here so I do a bit of going out in addition to working.

Work has been crazy. We are still putting in about 60 hours every week but now our team is starting to get the hang of things so we are much more efficient. Our morale has been bottoming out a lot, however, as people are started to get burnt out on lunch visits and too many things being required everyday from us. We are working on fixing that which has required us to have a lot of meetings with our boss and the team as a whole. Which, looking back on it, causes us to only get more behind. Every Friday we do events with the entire corps. This past Friday (aka yesterday) was good. But traditionally the Fridays have sucked. Normally, every Friday I will question myself as to why I'm even in City Year. Yesterday was the exception. We had the first LDD committee presentation on Domestic Violence. LDDs are put together and ran by corps members, so the entire day is different than normal and was a lot more interesting. My LDD presentation is November 30th on Substance Abuse. Woooooo.... yeah, not so much.

Soccer hasn't been happening. Mainly because of my damn toe injuries from a month ago. However, last Monday a clinic I went to decided to just pull the toenail out. They gave me a few shots around the toe to numb it and then had me lay back. The lady asked me about what I want to do after City Year and by the time I was done telling that I am interested in getting my PhD in Physical Therapy she had my toenail out. I didn't even feel it happen. But the pain was gone. All of it. I was in a little bootie for a few days and then tried shoes. Shoes were fine so I tried running. Running was fine. Now tomorrow I am going to retry soccer. We'll see how that goes. I am really excited to get back out there though. I wish that the toenail that was also injured but that didn't get infected would just come out as well. That would make everything perfect. The one good thing about this is that the clinic I went to (a walk-in by the way, I had to be there by 630am by bus) gave me a note that will get me free healthcare until April 9th because of my low income and the things I still have to pay out every month.

We also go out on the weekends quite a bit.

I've also been thinking a lot about what I'm going to do after City Year. I know that I don't want to do another term at CY. It's just after that where I am unsure. A big part of me wants to go on and get my PhD in Physical Therapy and return to what I've always said I was going to do. I love healthcare and serving people, so that seems to be a very safe bet. Another part of me is very worried about going back to more school. I've also been throwing around the ideas of fire paramedic or even a cop as a jump start to something like the DEA. But I dunno. I hope that it all becomes more clear soon.

I also finally have my EBT food stamps card. They gave me money from all the way back to when I applied, so I have more than enough money for food now. But the system they have in place is horrible. I have a job that knows we need food stamps. Allows us to go get the EBT card and to go to our appointments. Allows us to use work computers for the app process and also allows us to use the fax machine to fax in forms for it. Now, the average person who needs food stamps isn't going to have many, or even any, of those options. How are they going to be able to accomplish the entire process? Not to mention that if something is screwed up your app gets denied and you have to wait until the next month. I really wish that entire process would get reworked. I swear that this entire experience is so eye opening in so many different ways.

I'm only one month in. That means there are nine more to go and already this has been an experience I wouldn't trade out.

Khareem and Internet

So begins a new chapter in the lives of those who live at the Pimp Party Palace, AKA P3: Khareem and Internet.

I completely stole that title from Ian, one of my roommates.

We got another roommate, Khareem. He moved in last week and is using the dining room of our house as his bedroom. It's all good with me as that means cheaper rent and utilities. Everything is going pretty good so far. He's pretty knowledgeable about technology, which has really helped us out. He is also how we ended up with the Internet at our house and was responsible for 99% of its setup and fixing. There's something about where we live that just makes signals shitty.

I have been ridiculously busy with work pulling normally around 60 hour work weeks. And yes, still getting paid pretty crappy. It's a good thing I like working with kids or I'd be out in a heartbeat.

This past weekend we had a retreat with some of the middle school students who did our program last year and were interested in doing it again this year. The rewards for them are greater but so are the expectations. These students were fun as hell to hang out with. Yeah, they were difficult to get to cooperate but we still had a blast working with them at our retreat.

It's just now becoming fall in Seattle. There is road near my house that has a huge golf course on both sides all the way down it. The road itself is lined with various types of trees that are all changing colors at various rates. It really is an awesome sight.

Last Saturday was my first time at a gay club here in Seattle. I had a lot of fun but apparently I intimidate some people. Some guy came over to me and asked me if I was gay or straight. I told him, "gay, why else would I be here?" And he said that I didn't look gay but that there are some dudes over somewhere to the side of the dance floor who were too chicken to come and talk to me themselves. I didn't sweat it. I wasn't there looking for anything, just for a fun time so I went back to hanging out with the people I came with and had a friggin blast. The walk home, however, wasn't so blast-tastic. I had looked up a late night bus route that I thought could get me close to my house and I even made it down from the club to downtown with enough time to catch the last two pickups from that bus. But it never came! I definitely didn't want to pay for a cab (getting from downtown to my house costs well over $25) so I just walked home. And yeah, it was typical Seattle - raining. I walked all the way from downtown Seattle to Beacon Hill where I live a little inebriated a lot wet. I didn't get home until about 5:30am but I also stopped to talk to a homeless guy along the way and listened to another homeless guy rap to us. Not so safe, eh? But still fun and interesting. I kept passing out along the way home but somehow kept my balance and kept walking. Go figure.

My soccer team is also doing pretty good. I am having a lot of fun with those guys. The only problem is that for the first two games my cleats were too small and screwed up my two big toes. Or rather, my two big toenails. But nails are white and black with the left one having some yellow thrown in. The left one is also puffy around the edges oozes sometimes. It's definitely infected and I have an appointment on Wednesday that should have happened a long time ago. We'll see what comes of that.

I also was able to go down to the food stamp office today and check to see how that was coming along. It turns out that they never got my faxed copies of my forms and that my EBT card has been pushed back yet again until I can bring all of the forms in myself. Which is a bit difficult right now because I left my binder at the retreat place and I am hoping that it just got mixed in with my boss' stuff who was also there. Here's to hoping. All of my completed food stamp stuff was in that folder along with two magazines I wasn't finished with and all of my progress with my Team Leader Coordinator position. I really hope that binder isn't lost.

Today, I did go the Pike Place Market. I got to see the place where they throw fish and all of the little interesting shops there as well. It was really cool and I kept thinking about how much my grandparents would probably like to walk through it.

I really can't think of anything else to add although I'm sure a ton has happened. I like this city, but I haven't come across anything yet that will definitely keep me here after my term at City Year is up.

My car, your yard

Never, in all of the cities I have ever lived, visited, passed through, flown over, or slept in (haha - get it? No? Okay) have I seen so many vehicles parked in yards. Honestly... why? What's the point or the benefit to parking your ride in your grass? I understand that Seattle is cloudy and gray most of the year and therefore the grass gets little sunlight, but why kill even that by parking your huge, stinking, drippy, exhausty vehicle in your front lawn? I honestly don't get it. Besides the frequent "Grass Parkers" there are those who deign to just park their rides half in the street and half on the sidewalk. Fuckin tards.

Fuckin christ, it feels so good to be able to just let loose with the verbal abuse.

As you know by now, I work with kids. Or well, I will be. My team "Young Heroes" will be working with middle school students in a service learning and community building type of environment. Right now we are going through a lot of planning and recruitment needed to run a successful program. So, I've definitely got to start watching my word usage. Anyone who knows me also knows that I like to cuss. It's just there and it's natural. Sometimes there's nothing better than a powerful exclamation of the word FUCK. Or shit, or bitch, or bastard, or damnit, or cunt, or any other verbal attack you can think of. I'm working hard at curbing my tongue while at work. I still slip occasionally but I am getting a lot better at not cussing. However, sometimes I just need to let it out.

Sunday, I had tryouts for a gay league soccer team. I got asked to come back, which is fantastic, but it was a bit of a weird experience. I wasn't allowed to play rough (what the fuck, right?). A lot of the guys are also out of town in Argentina for a tournament so when they get back, the scouts get back for the more competitive teams. I'd love to play on a team that is a challenge. Sunday wasn't really that hard. My only problem was overworking myself. I also ended up getting beaned in the face with a soccer ball, a twisted knee, a blood blister the size of Texas, and a black toe-nail that I am sure is going to fall off.

Aside from that, I've been doing a ton of recruiting. Recruiting for Young Heroes means going to middle schools during special event nights and running a table while engaging students or going to schools during their lunch periods and basically ambushing students while they are eating lunch. The lunch thing has been the easiest for me so far. I actually enjoy talking to these kids, the 8th graders especially. I can't wait for the program to turn from recruitment into service, however. I think that aspect is what I really came here for although I can see how I will grow extremely from what I am doing now.

Library is kicking me out. Finish later.

First step is always the hardest

I spent the last three days at a camp outside of Seattle with the rest of the Americorps group that I will be working with in Seattle. Yesterday, Friday morning, we finally got our work assignments. It's been a long time coming and a lot of worrying about where people will be placed but I am very happy to say that I got my first choice.

I am going to be working with the Young Heroes program which is a team within City Year. It's focus is learning through service and the kids we will be working with are all middle school aged. Remember middle school? The hormones? The changes? All of the problems? Haha, I do for sure. But I am actually excited about working with Young Heroes. We were told it is one of the hardest, most time consuming of the teams in City Year Seattle, but I am more than up to the challenge.

In my opinion, the hard part is over. In two weeks, the real fun will begin.

5 Strangers picked to live together...

5 Strangers picked to live together…

5 Strangers, picked to live together, work together, and have their lives taped. Well, maybe not so much taped and there might actually end up being 6 strangers, but we were picked and we will work together, I think you get the idea and the reference.

It’s been awhile since my last post in which I finally let it be known that I got a job and will be moving to Seattle to pursue that career. Here I am, in Seattle, and man has it been a crazy ride. This post is extremely long, real book-like, so get ready. I haven’t had internet access until now and so a lot has happened.

Last Tuesday was the day my flight left from the airport to my first stop in Oakland, California. I only got about an hour and a half of sleep from doing something the night before (which was great and I miss that person already – cut to me being stupid and emotional again) so the drive to the airport was easy for me; I slept the entire way. My dad and my stepmom were the two people who took me there. I’m no stranger to airports as I’ve been flying from them alone since I was little. I actually kind of like airports. What I don’t like is being searched and the people at the security checkpoint most definitely searched me.

That first plane ride was pretty long but I again slept through most of it. It was strange to be flying so far west as I have never been out this way. I saw mountains rising up out of the clouds, we flew above a storm, and I could almost even make out the blackness of space above us. Arriving in Oakland was pretty cool. I was told by someone that the Oakland airport wasn’t that big. Yeah, I wonder what airports they are used to. It was a lot larger than the ones I usually use. It was incredibly obvious that I was in a different part of the country. The landscape, the plants, the air, everything was different and new. It was awesome. I only got about an hour, however, to explore before I had to go sit at the gate for my connecting flight to Seattle. I caught it, and aside from some turbulence that left me a little shaken, the ride was much like the first. I’m sure Heath and David remember what I turn into when my fear of heights starts kicking in.

Arriving in Seattle is where the fun begins.

Seattle/Tacoma airport is huge. Luckily, I was able to follow the rest of the passengers to the baggage claim area where our luggage would be dropped off. After a bit of worrying that my bags would be lost (because that would be my luck) I had all of my possessions and was ready for the next challenge: getting to somewhere. I say somewhere because I had absolutely no idea where I was supposed to go. The day before I talked to one of my original two roommates, Willy (yes, he actually goes by Willy). I found out then that the landlord that we had been counting on to rent to us backed out and stated that he would rather rent to girls. Willy, my third roommate who I had never talked to at that point, Ian, and I were out of a place to live. So, honestly, arriving in Seattle was the last of my planned activities. Everything else was up in the air.

I stood outside of the airport for a bit in the passenger pick up area. I had two suitcases and two carryons. I am sure I looked real cool dragging all that around by myself. I tried calling the number Willy gave me (he doesn’t have a cell phone) and that number turned out to be Petaki’s, one of our bosses, cell phone numbers. But I didn’t get an answer. I called the office and still no answer. So I called my pops and although I wasn’t panicking in the least, in fact, I wasn’t worried at all, which is strange; I could tell that my dad was. I think he was a bit mad at me at that moment. For many things, for not planning, for leaving my hometown, for going to a place where he can’t come to the rescue immediately, etc. This is what I wanted though, the freedom, the experience, everything. My dad had luckily given me some money in case I needed to take a cab. It’s good that he did considering that was what I ended up needing to do. I had to ask around to find where the cabs picked people up at and was eventually led to the right area. I found a cab driver, asked him if he could get me to the office address and how much it would be. I had the money and he said he could do it, so I went with him. It was my first time ever riding in a cab and I was a bit excited. Plus, I got the chance to see some of the sites of Seattle as we drove by. The ride from the airport to the office cost $43.

There I was, with my entire luggage sitting outside of the City Year office and I thought, okay, I will just go in and find someone who will be able to help me out with where I can go. Ha, nope. The office was closed and no one was there. I was suddenly without anything or anywhere to go sitting outside of this office with my bags.

I talked to my friend Heath for a bit on my phone until I got a call from another one of my bosses, David. Apparently my dad had looked up Seattle/King County’s City Year website and found David’s email. He had emailed David that I was out here and with nowhere to go. David then called me to find out where I was. He suggested that I should wait in the Starbuck’s across the street until he could pick me up and take me to where Willy was staying. So, I gathered up all of my crap, headed down to the intersection, waited for the “okay to walk” sign, and walked across the street (jaywalking is apparently heavily enforced here) to the Starbuck’s.

I am not really a coffee drinker, but by this time of the day, I was pretty hungry. I ordered a muffin or something and some tea mixed with lemonade. I had to have the cashier lady explain it all to me; however, as I am not sure I have ever even bought anything from a Starbuck’s before. But, there I was, with my luggage sitting around a table drinking something weird looking and eating some even weirder looking. One guy, with a bald head, Einstein looking haircut, a small grey mustache, dark skin, and skinny as a rail, came up to me and begged me for some coffee money. I told him I would buy him a coffee but when I offered to actually go up and get him one he backed away and left the store.

Eventually, I got a call from a number I didn’t recognize. It was Willy calling from the phone of one of the girls that he was staying with. He was crashing in an extra room that three girls we will be working with had. Their last two roommates hadn’t arrived yet. Willy and Rhonda offered to come down and help me with my bags in order to get them to their house. I was offered a place to stay until Willy, Ian, and I could get our own place.

This was the first time I had ever seen Willy. He was a tall, skinny, dark haired guy with glasses and what I thought was a birth mark on his cheek but which was actually something he acquired by burning himself accidentally with a cigarette. Rhonda, who came with Willy to help me, is a shorter, smiling, happy, black girl. We walked the few blocks from the Starbuck’s up to their house where I met the other two girls, Aja and Siena. Aja is a pretty talkative Asian girl and Siena is a bit kooky, really skinny white girl. They had been in Seattle for about a week and Willy had been living with them for three days already. I couldn’t believe how lucky I was that these girls were going to allow both of us to stay there until we found a place of our own.

Willy and I later went down the street to the house that he and Petaki had been looking at. It was larger and nicer than the one we didn’t get, according to Petaki. This one had 4 bedrooms and we picked up another potential roommate, Nick. The house looked good to me on the outside as I never had the chance to see its inside. It wasn’t that far from the girls’ house and therefore not far from the office. We had some problems with this house though because Will and I couldn’t get the landlord to meet with us. I think that the owner was a little put-off by renting to us for some reason. I never got to talk to him; however, Willy always acted as the contact using my phone.

When we were just at the house I finally understood what real boredom was like. I am used to having things to do and places I could go. But here, there was nothing to do and nowhere to go. All we did was sit around and do nothing. It was the most boring experience I’ve ever had. I kept thinking, “so this is what makes people start doing drugs…” the girls could go places as they knew the city and the transportation system and because they had an address, they could get things like library cards and were able to use the internet. Willy and I had nada. I always say that I hate being bored but this was boredom to the max.

The next day, we met up with Ian, who is about my height and build with dark hair a perpetually scruffy looking face, to fill out an application for that house and we also went with Aja and Siena to the barbecue for work. This was my first time using the bus system in Seattle or anywhere for that matter. Aja, Siena, and Ian seemed to know what they were doing, so Willy and I just followed along. We learned from Petaki that day that she had found a place that she thought was even better for us and that if we were to take it, we would have to have a 5^th roommate as the new house had five bedrooms. She also already had another guy in mind, Matt. Later, Ian, Willy, and I went with Petaki to visit this other place. We met the landlord outside just as another family came to view the house. I felt more than a bit awkward about looking at the house with a family also looking at it. However, Marlo, the landlord was cool with us renting it and was even willing to waive the credit history fee that is normally required of landlord’s here in Seattle. He didn’t have any of the applications so he would have to get them to us at another time. Eventually, we decided that just faxing it to the office the next day would work out and that’s what we went with.

That next morning, Willy and I went to the office to pick-up the applications and found out that the fax machine was down. I had to call Marlo and let him know. He said he would leave an application in the mailbox of the house and that we could come get it that afternoon. That’s easier said than done. Willy and I tried to get out there, but the bus directions we used ended up being horrible. We got terribly lost in Rainier Valley when we wanted instead to be going to Beacon Hill. We walked for miles and hours just trying to get back to a place we knew. Eventually, we found the road that the office was on and I knew how to get to the house from there by just walking. We decided to go for it, since we had already been in the middle of nowhere and headed out. The walk wasn’t bad, and I was able to verify that I knew the way by calling my dad and having him pull up an aerial view of Seattle and using some directions to get us to where we needed to go. Finally getting to that house and picking up the application was such a relief. Besides, we knew that the bus that picks up near where we were would take us back into town near the office.

Or so we thought.

We rode the bus back into downtown Seattle and got off about 11 blocks from the office. A woman on the bus said that if we crossed the street and caught a different bus, it would take us closer to where we needed to go. Someone must have been mixed up as that bus started taking us straight to the area where we got lost the first time. As soon as we saw signs for the area that we were lost in earlier that day we got off the bus. We had to walk back into downtown to find our way to a place that we recognized. Eventually, we found the office again and knew how to get back to the place we were staying from there.

That night, Willy and I decided that some fun was in order because of how rough our day was. He was trying to quit smoking so we decided to just go find some booze. I like hard alcohol and have been staying away from a lot of beer since that semester where Heath and I would get trashed off of cheap beer every night of the week. We had a blast then, but man, all those empty calories went straight to my gut. The closest liquor store was about a mile away, so we walked it out and got us some cheap rum and some soda as a mixer. We then went back to the place we were staying at and proceeded to play drunken war. It’s like the card game war only with drinking involved. That day, one of the girls’ roommates, Casey, and his boyfriend (I forget his name) got in and all them were out doing things. It was only Willy and I at this house boozing. Needless to say, I got trashed. The last real thing I remember was wondering why Siena was mad at me and then nada. I woke up the next morning with someone’s towel as my pillow and someone’s blanket draped over me. I took a shower and met up with Willy to go to the office for our registration stuff. Willy told me that the night before I had thrown up on my sleeping bag and that Rhonda had cleaned it off and put it outside to dry. I’m such an idiot. My body was run down from all the walking around Seattle we had done during the day as well as a lack of food. Siena had made us some pasta for dinner and that had been all I had eaten that day. I had no food of my own and felt really bad about eating the girls’ food so I kept away from it. Drinking on a tired body and an empty stomach was a hugely bad idea.

That day was our first day of doing things with City Year. We had registration and we learned some things about the organization. Willy, Ian, and I also got to meet Nick, a tall, skinny dark haired guy, and Matt, a shorter buzzed dude. We finally met face to face everyone who was going to live together. We also got fitted for our uniforms and registered to get food stamps. Our living stipend is pretty poor and it is common for City Year corps members to use food stamps while they are with the organization. Some people even have to get night-time jobs to continue living in the lifestyle they are accustomed to. I applied for my food stamps but I haven’t been able to complete the print out forms yet. I still need to find out some information to do that. It’s kind of weird saying that I will be living off of food stamps because I’ve never done it before and have always associated it with extreme cases of poverty. I don’t consider myself poor, but then I’ve always fallen back on my dad’s support to get me by on everything.

After registration, Ian, Willy, Nick, and I went about trying to get our housing situation finalized. Nick said he needed to go back to his place to get something he needed for the City Year staff and said that it would take about an hour. The three of us still needed to finish applying for food stamps and to get fitted for our uniforms so we just decided to wait at the office for him.

Three hours later, still no Nick to be found. He also wasn’t answering the only number that Petaki and I both had for him. A number we had assumed to be his cell phone. We were even able to get Matt, our 5^th roommate, to come in even though he was working to fill out the application for housing and to give us his share of the deposit and first month’s rent. Still, no word from Nick. We busied ourselves helping some of the staff members put together some invitations (the entire thing was very PSP-service like – it brought back memories). The entire time we were making jokes about Nick dropping the program or forgetting or getting lost or even getting run over by one of the metro buses. The City Year office people all heard us, they laughed with us, and they would talk with us about more than just our weird housing situation.

Yet they still failed us.

Ian, Willy, and I left the office for ten minutes in order to go to a Red Apple grocery store nearby to get money orders for our land lord. It turned out that the store couldn’t do Willy’s money transfer from his parents but Ian and I were able to get money orders for our shares. When we got back to the office, the first thing we heard out of someone’s mouth was, “Nick was just here. He went down to 28^th.” We were dumbfounded. The only time we step out of the office ALL afternoon and he comes and then leaves. In addition, the employees who heard us complaining the entire time LET him leave. What the fuck? It really pissed Ian and me off. Willy is such a pothead that he wasn’t really fazed, but we two were a bit heated. Willy went up the street to a place that had a Western Union to get his transfer and almost missed the landlord coming to the office to meet us. Petaki actually had to drive up there to get him so that he wouldn’t miss out on paying the landlord. We convinced him, Marlo, to take the 4 applications we had (Nick still had his) and the money from us four (Matt, Ian, Willy, and myself) and allow us to get the place. We were so happy that he agreed. Willy and I were even able to convince him to let us move in later that night. Matt, his brother, and his brother’s wife also agreed to pick up Willy and me from the place we were staying at and bring us and our luggage to our new house. Nick was even able to meet us there and to finally get in touch with the landlord himself.

It seemed like so many things kept happening that was meant to keep us from getting our place. Maybe that was fate’s way of telling me that I wasn’t where I was supposed to be or doing what I was supposed to be doing. All I know is that I am in Seattle because I am supposed to be and I am hoping that the reason will become clear soon rather than after I’ve already fucked up my life beyond all repairs.

For now, I'm just going to go with the flow and remember: 5 strangers picked to live together...

Victory!

So, what I eluded to in my last post was in regards to a possible employment opportunity. I actually got it. Which means two thins:

1) I have a full time job now and will no longer be harassed by dad about getting one, and

2) I am moving away from my hometown.

Where am I going? SEATTLE.

I have never ever been to Seattle and am a little worried about being able to find my way around, especially since I am extremely prone to losing my way. But, man, it's Seattle. And what's more is that it ISN'T Columbia.

I can't believe it and am really excited. Really really!

Now if only I could grab all of my Truman friends and get them in the same place again before I leave, life would be perfect.

Hope's Up

So whenever I apply to something, I always try to tell myself that I probably won't get it so that when or if I do not get something, I will not feel that down about it. In fact, if I do, I am pretty excited since I was preparing myself to not.

Well, I've done it again. I have applied for something else and I have inadvertently gotten my hopes up about achieving it. I will probably know soon if I will get accepted or not.

So, it looks like I've taken the advice of a friend given late on a Saturday night after a wedding reception sitting on a porch of a rental house while she was smoking and I was in my underwear.

We'll see if this is what I'm supposed to do with myself.

This Weekend

This weekend was another to add to the book of fun. David and Abbie got married, finally.

I went up there Friday for the rehearsal and rehearsal dinner. I couldn't believe that I was actually in Abbie's hometown. Let's just say that the big news for all those gossips queens was Abbie's wedding. The town is that small.

Rehearsal went fine, except that Heath and I missed the memo that we had to dress up. Oops. The dinner afterward was also amazing. There was barbecue chicken, steak, corn on the cob, potato salad, and some other dish that I was completely confused by. And yes, lots of bread. I accidentally took some of the potato salad thinking it was actually hot potatoes or something and tried eating it. HUGE mistake. Me and vegetables don't get along and the salad was like arsenic to my palate. I survived, somehow, and just ate chicken (I will choose chicken over steak any day) and bread. I almost party fouled with that too when I flipped the plate vertically while trying to cut the chicken. I was somehow able to get everything back on the table without spilling it all over myself or Heath next to me.

After that, a large group of us went to the town's fair. We rode rides, made fun of carnies, had carnies make fun of us (Julie), watched mudding in trucks, and had some beers at the beer garden. It was actually a lot more fun than I thought it would be. But that could have been all the wine I had at dinner. I did have some wanker girl say I was hot, that was pretty trash-tastic.

Saturday was the big day. Heath and I met David for lunch and then just got ready for the wedding. Scott showed up while we were getting ready and we went to go get DQ with him as he had eaten all day. Eventually, we made our way to the church that their wedding was going to be held in. I would say that this church might hold around 200 people. David and Abbie invited close to 400. Now, with some weddings, people won't show, blah blah blah, but for this one, a crap ton of people came. We had to take chairs out of the back just to find room for everyone. Heath and I, as ushers, ended up standing for the entire wedding (which was a full mass as Abbie and David are both catholic).

However, at the reception afterwards, we got to sit at the cool people table and be served first, so that more than made up for it. All of the free jack and cokes I had probably went a long way to making up for that as well.

We got to party with a lot of our friends from college at the reception, which was so amazing. Amy, Julie, Colleen, Sara, Kayleigh, Jennifer, Scott, Heath, Justine, Tyler, Alan, and Mundle were all there. We had a blast showing these people how it's done Kville style.

After the reception cleared out, a large group of us went to a local bar. The place was dead. Apparently Saturday nights aren't big bar nights in that town. We stayed for a bit, had a few free drinks (can't remember how we pulled that off), played some shuffle board, and then went back to the hotel to pass out.

Sunday we met at Abbie's parent's house for a brunch before we all headed back. It felt so good to just relax and not have to dress up or feel like you are trying to impress people. We got to get a picture of all of us with David and Abbie which I personally would like a copy of. I honestly think that this past weekend will be the last time that some of us will ever see each other and I'd like to have something to remember it with.

Craziness

This is rediculous. Somehow I got caught up in some tangled webs of drama and I have no idea how it happened.

Here's what I do:

Whenever I go out, my intentions are to have fun. Period. That's it. If I am not having fun, I cancel and do something else (ask my friends, I would sneak away quite a bit only to turn up drunk somewhere else).

Somehow, last night I ended up being on the receiving end of some blunt statements. Haha. All I was doing was drinking with a friend at a club and somehow there was some moment where I pissed people off. They started taking digs at me over the phone to my friend. Uhh, hi pussies.

I don't know what was involved or the reason behind it. I am assuming they thought we were together and wanted my friend to be with them instead of me. Haha, lame.

Why's there always gotta be drama?

There it goes

A little piece of my heart is going back to NYC this week. Funny how things happen, how quickly they happen, and how meaningful things really can turn out to be.

See you around, lame.

Amazing

Today, after work, after I mowed my grandparents' yard, and while on the way to my running trail, I saw the most amazing thing:

Two kids riding their bikes hard up a steep hill.

You're probably like "Uhh, cool, Josh." But honestly, it was amazing. What do you think of when I say these two little boys both had buzzed haircuts, no shirt in sight, and matching jean shorts? If you're like me and you hear that description, you are probably going to be picturing two little fellas who are almost identical. But now add in this last little bit. One was Caucasian and the other was African American.

Now, ideally, we should be able to say I saw two kids riding their bikes today and race shouldn't have to be a descriptive factor. However, it is definitely true that people will use race as a color significance when describing people of other origins. As an example, I will use myself. My dad mentioned that some kids were playing ball up the street outside of the Frankensmitchein's home. In my head, I have a mental picture of a bunch of white kids playing street ball, like we used to do. Is this racism? Am I being racist by only thinking about white kids? I think I am, although I would consider myself not racist and not even slightly prejudiced. A lot of growing up, experiencing, and working away from some of the family values were involved with helping me accomplish being a better person and I am so grateful for that. However, in this example, I would call myself being racist.

When I saw these two kids, I was extremely happy. They were biking, they were outside, the weather was amazing, they were having fun, and ethnicity wasn't an issue. Probably wasn't even something they had ever considered. My neighborhood has always been pretty diverse, much to the chagrinof some members of my family and other neighbors, but the level of diversity is skewing towards one side. In my opinion, this is fine. It's all good. Some others, however, do not like it all.

What I wish is that we could be like those kids. I wish we didn't notice differences or anything "abnormal" about other people. I wish everything was just easy-going and fun, that racism, prejudice, and discrimination didn't exist. I am reminded of a line in the movie Alexander where the hero says something along the lines of "what surprises me the most is your contempt for a world much older than ours" to his gathered war leaders in a heated argument. I used that and twisted it to mean "what makes you better than anyone else?" and I try to live by that. Yeah, I've been told I am conceited or stuck-up before, but those people who have said that don't know me, that's for sure. I even used that line rather vigorously during many "hush-hush" moments that I absolutely hated about being in a fraternity.

I want to be like those kids, so I try to be.

I think it was Mahatma Gandhi who said, "You must be the change you wish to see in the world."

A Skunk is a Skunk...

...even if it is just a baby.

Yesterday, after work I went running. Down the normal trail I use while back where I'm from and when I turned the corner under a bridge, I saw something that made me skid to an immediate halt.

There, directly in the middle of the trail was a skunk.

It was like any skunk in that it was black with two light colored stripes down its back. I wouldn't say the stripes were white, like they are in cartoons, but more of a dirty yellow-ish white. It had its back arched and tail straight up in the air. My first thought was shit, "I'm going to get sprayed." The skunk then calmed down and went back to gnawing on what looked like (and I later verified to be true) a dried-up dead frog.

Then, I realized that this was just a baby skunk. Small, very small, I would say only six inches including its tail. I turned off my ipod and looked around. I wasn't worried about the baby anymore, no not at all, I was worried about the baby's mommy. Surely something this young would still be attached to its mother. So, I scanned the nearby brush but couldn't see anything. I thought I could hear some movement in some dense bushes near the bridge, but I couldn't see anything and definitely didn't want to go looking, especially if that movement was the mom hiding from me. I hear tomato juice is the only way to get rid of skunk stink, but I wasn't willing to test that old wives's tale.

I tossed some sticks at the baby to try and scare it off the trail, but they didn't seem to phase it one bit. Eventually, the baby skunk started wobbling away farther under the bridge. It finally made its way to the side of a hill that led directly down into a creek.

I will be honest in admitting that for a second, all I wanted to do was kick the skunk into the creek to see what would happen.

Instead, I decided to watch it. I crept past the skunk to the other side of the bridge. Some man rode by on his bike and I pointed out the skunk to him. He just said "wow" and continued on his way. After the man was gone, the baby skunk crawled back onto the trail. I could faintly hear it squeaking. Its squeak isn't like a normal squeak, it's deeper or raspier somehow.

I scraped my foot along the loose sand on the trail thinking to scare it and the baby instead started wobbling towards the sound I was making.

At first, I thought the damn thing was attacking me so I panicked, and jumped away. But then I realized that it was actually following me. Or, more specifically, following the sound I was making. Clearly the baby skunk had no idea that it was following a human, something it should be trying to avoid or spraying at.

So, I played with it for a bit. Leading it on little trips around and under the bridge multiple times. It just kept on squeaking and shuffling after me the entire time. Sometimes it would speed up until it was within a certain distance of me and then just follow along, but only if I kept scraping my shoes along the trail. I am assuming that its eyesight is pretty poor when it's young and that its most important senses are its abilities to hear and smell.

Eventually, I realized that I couldn't keep doing this. I knew that I couldn't keep the skunk, because after all, a skunk is a skunk, even if it is just a baby. So, I stopped making my scraping noise and the baby skunk just stopped behind me and kept squeaking and turning around in circles.

My heart hurt when I realized I was abandoning it. This little baby skunk was helpless out here. People walk this trail all the time with their dogs, one of them could easily attack it. I've even seen cats on this trail before, one even right at this same bridge. But there was nothing I could do, a skunk is a skunk, even if it is a baby.

The only thing I could think of was to hide it. So I led it into the brush near the creek and crept away. I kept moving down the trail while watching this little bundle of fur move deeper into the greenery until I was around the corner and the baby skunk, the dead frog, the bridge, and the creek were all out of my direct line of sight.

I don't know the significance of this ending, but it felt right to include it for some reason: When I couldn't see the baby skunk anymore, I ran. I ran all the way back to the parking lot and my truck and I drove home.

That's Equal Rights For Ya...

Today I went to the Social Security office to get a new social security card since apparently I lost my old one. I need to have it for my new job. But that's not the fun part of this trip.

On the way out of the office, I, like any other customer, have to pass through two sets of doors to escape. At the first door, I held it open for this older, shorter, white-haired lady with a big smile. She said, "Thank you sir, do you mind if I do the same for you?"

I assumed that she meant the next set of doors so I immediately replied with "Sure!"

I was right, she held open the next set of doors me and I told her thank you and to have a great day and she replied back with:

"You too! That's equal rights for ya!"

I loved it. I laughed my ass off actually since equal rights is something I will often joke about with any of my friends who are female (and which some of the feminist ones don't like me doing).

That's Equal Rights For Ya...

Memorial Weekend

This past weekend was a blast.

Originally, I was supposed to do David's bachelor party on Friday. However, through a long list of blah blah blahs, it got moved to sometime in June. Which ended up working out great for me as my cousin Mitchell's Bar Mitzvah was this Saturday.

Friday, I drove to St. Louis and had dinner with the extended family and friends of Mitch's at his temple. The layout and the food was amazing, however, it was all really ritzy. I am not a person that is comfortable with being catered to and so the entire dinner was a little bit of an awkward experience. I hope I was able to say enough "please"'s and "thank you"'s to get the point across to the servers that I wasn't trying to act like I was any different than them. I got to meet some of my cousin's family friends and uncles on the other side of the family tree. Needless to say, those people are nuts. We had a blast during dinner and many of the other tables were most definitely envious of all the laughter and loudness coming from our side of the room.

Saturday morning, we got up early and went to the temple for family pictures. Sometimes, I feel a little out of place during family pictures because I am only related by marriage. My mom married into the family after I was already born. So when things are said like "All the cousins get together for a picture" I normally wait until someone tells me that I am included in that before I head over to pose for the cameras. Maybe I'm just thinking too much about things, but I'd rather be safe than look like a fool.

If you have never been to a Bar Mitzvah, you should go to one sometime. If you don't know what a Bar Mitzvah is, here is a description in a nutshell: A young Jewish boy approaching his 13th birthday will begin training and learning how to chant, read, write, and speak in Hebrew; specifically, certain selected phrases from the Torah. He will then go through an entire ceremony in which he is basically leading the congregation in a sermon. His family will often play critical roles during this ceremony. All of it is presided over by the temple's Rabbi and other important persons. This same thing can be done, although as I understand is not done as often, for girls. The girl ceremony is called a Bat Mitzvah.

After the Bar Mitzvah, we went back to the hotel for a bit until later on in the day. The hotel, by the way, had a pool. And I absolutely love to swim. As long as the water isn't opaque. Lakes and oceans give me panic attacks if I can't see in them and I if I am allowed to start thinking too much about the fact that I can't see in them.

The reception part of the event was to be held at a different location. The theme of the party was Sports and people were asked to dress casual and to wear either jerseys or shirts of their favorite sports teams. I wore a MU basketball jersey, white athletic shorts, white armbands, black head band, and lots of pimp juice. I hope I am able to get some pictures from that night, as we all looked amazing. The entire event was hosted by a DJ and my cousin's parents. We had dinner, which consisted of hot dogs, brats, nachos, miniature hamburgers, salads, potato skins, etc. It was designed to be like you were at a sporting event and man, did it work! There was also an open bar, which, as you can probably guess, I took total advantage of. Jack Daniel's and Coke until I could drink no more.

Eventually, dancing started and the DJ mixed in recent songs with some older ones that appeased to some of the older members of the crowd. What I thought was hilarious though was that my mom, step dad, brother, and sister had no idea that I liked to dance and that I actually can dance (yes, I will admit that I can get down). However, I have to be feeling a little tipsy before I even try or I don't do it.

Needless to say, I was more than a little tipsy. For the rest of the weekend I kept hearing many members of the family saying things to me like "Joshy, I had no idea you could dance..." It was pretty hilarious, but I had a ton of fun.

My only regret was letting my step dad down when there was a dance off of Old School vs. New School. I didn't represent and I should have. I blame my liquid courage on backfiring.

However, I've got two more cousins who will be going through their own Bar Mitzvahs in the next couple years, so I will have a chance to redeem myself.

Damn, this weekend was a friggin blast.

Religion Confusion

While I was making a whole crap ton of trips back up to Kville to get the rest of my stuff from our house, I couldn't help but see this same billboard sign each time. It was for some church, whose name I can't remember and probably shouldn't include anyways, that was advertising its faith like most churches do. Except this one's message was a little... confusing.

It read: "Take a chance on Jesus, if not, Satan will take you."

Or something very similar. The last part is right on the money as that is the portion of the phrase that made an impact on me. Was it meant as an alternative to Jesus? Is this a threat? What happened to God being the focus? Will Satan really take you somewhere? To Hell maybe? What if you don't believe in Hell? Does believing in Jesus mean you automatically believe in Satan also? Is Satan a part of Christianity? I had a ton of questions that stemmed from that particular phrase and no one besides myself available to be asked.

Now, I'm not going to go ask anyone these questions for the purpose of finding the answers. I don't really care that much about this issue. However, seeing that made me think. Which, by the way, is a real good thing as I tend to fall asleep when driving long distances.

I don't really know what I would call my version of faith. I can say that I am not a Christian if only because I do not believe in the Bible. Man-made things are not perfect, so I will not put my unyielding faith in something that is not perfect. I also can't, because of another aspect of me that the Bible says is wrong. But anyways.

I believe in something like a creator, something that made everything and gave purpose to everything. To me, everything was meant to happen for a reason. There is room for hindsight, regret, guilt, joy, thankfulness, happiness, what have you. However, everything that has ever happened to you has happened for a certain reason. That's how I try to look at things. And although I may fail and get angry, I will get over it and learn from the experience... eventually.

I believe in karma. I use that word for lack of a better word. I believe that you will get what you give; all things will be returned three-fold. So, I try to be upstanding. Now, don't get me wrong, some people think I am a mean person or just outright rude. However, I will never be mean to someone without a reason. That reason is often just my own mind overreacting to something, but it is still there and still bothering me. I'm just opinionated and things that I find stupid or a waste of time is going to get me riled up. Getting me to talk about what is bothering me is a whole different issue. I don't open up very easily. It makes me uncomfortable and makes me feel weak.

Death scares the crap out of me. In my mind, I can't cope with or grasp the feelings of eternity or simply ceasing to exist. So both avenues are scary prospects for whatever happens after death. I don't know if I ever want to find out what will be waiting on the other side. Heaven/Hell forever and ever or just nothingness. The only idea of life after death that I have ever liked has been reincarnation. But I'm not sure if that is a cop out and escape from the aforementioned prospects.

So, what does faith provide? Hope, I think. I think that people who go to this church with the billboard go there every Sunday (or more!) for the sole reason of finding some hope. A small measure of hope, brought about by belief, will produce mass amounts of comfort and content. And perhaps, in a message like this, as confusing as it may be to some people, it is, in its own way, trying to spread that hope.

New beginnings

I actually graduated from college! I can't believe it.

We were lucky enough not to have any rain on Saturday, so I didn't need my lack of rain site tickets. It was a pretty surreal experience. It didn't hit me until the procession got close enough to see all the people in the stands what was actually happening. As far as the actual ceremony went, well... the commencement speaker was a little lame but the name reading went super fast. The entire thing took maybe an hour and a half; which for how many people was graduating, that is at lightning speed. I got to sit with Heath and David, which is how I always wanted it to be. It was great having all of my family there for the event as well. They mean the world to me.

We went out later that night with the usual gusto. Tons of people were out and I got to see a lot of individuals that I normally wouldn't have been able to see. That alone was a great graduation present. Plus, somehow I didn't end up spending a single dollar all night. How about them apples!?

On our way home, Scott, Amy, and I were pulled over by a cop. I had made Scott pull around the block a second time so we could spy on something interesting (which I plan on getting more details about). The cop asks us if we had been partying and Scott politely says yes. Then he asks if we've been drinking and I tell the cop, before Scott can respond, that only I have and that I'm a loser alcoholic and that the other two do not drink. Amy has to explain to the cop why she doesn't have her license (her family stole it) while the officer takes both mine and Scott's identifications. He ends up only giving Scott a warning for the light above his licence plate being out and sends us home. The funny thing is, we were right up the street from our house.

The day after was a little crappy. It rained all freaking day and my dad had come back up to take all of my stuff home. Needless to say, he was pissed. We ended up only taking home what we could fit in the cab of his truck and the cab of my truck.

I snuck up to Kirksville yesterday and got even more stuff and today my dad and I finished getting everything else. I'm just glad the entire ordeal is over.

Now, the only time I will need to go back to Kville is to visit people. But it's so much easier going back knowing that I don't have to stay.

As of now, I am unpacking what I want to unpack while also looking for a job in my hometown. I've got a few reasons why I want to stay here for the time being and this place is pretty happenin in the job department. I am pretty confident I will be able to find something as well as find my own place. Or, I can just stay at my dad's house until David and Abbie move into town and then pull a "Me, You, and Dupree" on their couch.

Graduation?

It still hasn't hit me yet that in two days I will be graduating from Truman and that there will be family members here who have never ever been to Truman or even Kirksville; namely, my ma.

I can't believe it.

The weather right now is shitty though and I hope it clears up because I only have 4 rain tickets and 12 people I know for sure are coming to my graduation.

Alumni

April 23^rd, 2007. It’s a typical Kirksville night in a typical Missouri town. However, a group of very a-typical individuals are preparing to take another huge step in their lives: Graduation.

One thing that this diverse little posse shares is their affiliation. They are all brothers. Not in the sense of my grandma is your grandma, sitting by the fire… Oops, different story. They are all members of Phi Sigma Pi, a national co-ed honor fraternity. Some of them met while joining this fraternity, some were friends long before, some will even be fortunate (or unfortunate depending on how you look at it) to spend the rest of their lives with someone they met in this organization.

Before this group can graduate they must complete one thing. To become alumni of Phi Sigma Pi. Apparently it is written somewhere that only people still in college can be an active brother. I use the term “active” loosely you know what I mean.

The specifics of the night are lost. This is done purposefully as ceremonies are not something that is talked about after the fact. But I’d like to give you a little snapshot and as a parting gift into what it’s like to be around this people. Read this, while taking it slow and looking over one of the best pictures I’ve ever seen.

I’ll move from left to right and introduce you to some of the greatest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.

Chad, Bethany and Heath. Obviously, something has just happened that has shocked Chad, amused Bethany, and caused Heath some level of consternation. I am willing to bed that Heath’s little (I will leave her nameless) just flashed them. Yep, that is probably what happened.

Next you will see two observers. Amy and Andrew. Amy is most definitely spying on the ruckus in another part of the crowd. Andrew is laughing as his girlfriend makes a hefty proposition.

What would that be? Well, that’s easy. Erin, Matt, and Plog are posing for some candid shots for their ménage.

Behind them is Jared, he’s the only person in the entire picture actually doing what he’s supposed to be doing: posing for the picture takers.

Slightly hidden are Casey and Jeff behind her. The two of them are watching the theatrics of another group very close by…

Abbie is so obviously turning to get her revenge on David who definitely copped a feel. It’s a good thing these two are getting married because I don’t know anyone else who could handle their level of craziness.

Directly to the right of this couple is Kalen. She has got to be wondering two things: 1) How can I keep Abbie’s hair from hitting me in the face when she turns really fast again, and 2) Why are these weirdoes behind me laughing so loudly?

Those weirdoes behind her happen to be Alan and Jennifer. They are obviously having a good time and this is why. Moments before, Alan’s nose somehow ended up in Jennifer’s eye… Yeah, that’s what I thought too.

The next three people in the back are Josh, Jenna, and Eddie. Josh is obviously trying to maintain his badass reputation by avoiding smiling at all costs. Jenna and Eddie are both just wondering what the hell could be so funny with Alan and Jennifer.

The last three ladies are Mandy, Lauren, and Amanda. These dames are doing some suggestive poses for the cameras and the paparazzi. Watch out world, they might be too hot to handle.

So, I hope you enjoyed my little story about one of the best pictures I have ever seen. It's time for a new chapter to begin for all of these folks and by golly, they are more than ready for it.

Water Balloon Fights

Yesterday we had one of the best ideas: to have a Water balloon Fight!

Well, actually my friend Matt's mom had the idea. She sent him some water balloons for his birthday, which also happened to be yesterday (who knew?). A group of us decided to get it done and turn Friday afternoon into a wet sticky fun fest.

It started off with everyone meeting at my place. Well, almost all of us. Scott, Amy, Matt, and I all met at my place and we decided to go looking for a spicket to begin filling water balloons. We had some time before Chad and Erin were going to catch up with us. We all piled into my pickup and headed off to a park nearby, however, along the way good ol' Baby (my truck) decided that she would run out of gas. Poor gal. On top of that, the park had nothing we could use to fill up balloons with. So, we very carefully got the truck to a nearby gas station and left it there. Worse still, none of us had brought our wallets or any type of money.

So we called for help.

Erin picked up first and told us she was on her way. Quite a bit later Chad calls us and he is at my place looking for us. We tell him what has happened and he tells us he is on his way to come get us. Erin and Chad both pull up at the same time, go figure. During this time, Matt, Amy, Scott and I decide to sit on the curb like a bunch of hooligan good-for-nothing kids. We pretty much rocked that look.

Erin is kind enough to spot me $5 to give Baby some gas. We now have an entourage and I tell them that we should head to a different park where I am sure there is a spicket we can use.

Yeah, I was wrong.

Chad finally suggests that we just go to his and Scott's apartment because their faucets are pretty small. So we do and we have a blast getting soaked trying to fill up these balloons and tie them. We also pretty much trashed their apartment (Sorry guys!). But if you ever need someone to make water balloons for you, use Chad. He was on the phone talking to his pops and producing as many balloons as 4 of us in an assembly line were producing all by his self. Jesus, is there anything he isn't good at?

During this, a little bird tells us that another group of our friends is all sitting on a porch at someones house drinking and enjoying the great weather. Why weren't we invited? We ask each other. So, we decided to take some revenge.

We all get some balloons (including my favorite condom-balloon filled with water mixed with shaving cream) and get into Matt's truck. He has a topper over his bed and we hide Chad, Scott, Erin, and Amy inside while Matt and I are in the cab. We go down this back alley behind this other group's house and do a surprise attack. The topper pops open and those 4 unleash a barrage of balloons. Matt and I also rush out and add to the colorful volley of wetness. After we unload, we quickly rush away and disappear into the dust.

However, we are not satisfied.

Plans are put into motion to attack again. This time, a surprise attack on foot. We park almost two blocks away from the other house and run over (surprisingly, we are right in front of the apartment complex where my friend Asia lives). We convene on the far side of the house and listen to the people on the porch. All seems fine and dandy. Then Scott launches a balloon over the roof (while dropping and destroying the other three he had, mind you). We listen for a second and then we here some screams. The balloon hit was successful. We use this diversion to launch the full attack and all of us run around the house and pelt the group with water balloons. Unfortunately, we only get one of the girls wet. Some of the water balloons are pretty tough and don't break at all. We quickly run back to our rides and discover that one of the guys from the party is chasing us. He doesn't last long though and Matt succeeds in getting him wet as well.

After this, we decide we are done with this group and want to get on with the real fun: our water balloon fight. We all head back to my place where Matt and I rush out of Matt's truck and into the house. Matt had bought a slingshot to use with balloons and we are hoping to turn the attack on Amy and Erin when they get there. However, Scott and Chad think we are trying to ambush them and they rush inside through a different door. So, Matt and I quickly recruit Erin and Amy to turn the attack against the other two guys. We wait for them with Matt holding one end of the slingshot and Erin holding the other. I have cocked back and ready to fire. Everything is set.

Chad and Scott rush out of the house and see the slingshot and stop dead in their tracks.

I fire the slingshot and... nothing happens. The damn thing was too tight and acted like a glove around the water balloon and keeps it safe and secure inside its grasp. This is when Scott and Chad attack. I dodge the ones coming after me but Matt and Erin aren't so lucky. Erin says "Matt, don't let go." And what does he do? He lets go of his end of the slingshot. The recoil is super fast and snaps in on Erin and gets her in her side. She has a huge red bruise from the handle of the thing.

She muscles through her pain, however, and the rest of the afternoon we attack each other with water balloons. Scott ends up getting pelted right under his right nipple that leaves a nice welt thrown by yours truly and Matt gets hit in his neck which results in a huge hickey looking blotch. We end with some really cool pictures and have some cake for Matt's birthday inside. We use matches instead of candles, which was a pretty short lived experience.

All in all it was a pretty fun day. We ended it with drinking and another party at my place that got a little crazy (like normal, eh?).

I may need to rent kids so I can still have fun like this after I graduate. I don't want to grow up.

Happy birthday, Matt.