Okay okay, shenanigans aside, I received my rejection letter for my application to grad school and a doctorate in physical therapy on Tuesday. My response was to binge drink and celebrate self-loathing. Lame to the max.
I didn't have a plan B ready. So, I am sure you can assume that there was some freakage involved.
Gahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
Alcohol: a social lubricant and personal favorite upper that masquerades as a downer. Or, well, at least it acts as an upper for me.
For most of the week I was able to make it to my obligations: work went fine. Saturday was my wake up call that I was spiraling into a whole new bad place. I slept through getting to hang out with my kids. All because I had consumed way more alcohol than any living person should have and ended up in... a bed... by 5:30am.
What did I do? I need to get myself back under control. There is another chance for me to hang out with the kids this coming Saturday and I am so worried about seeing them and having them ask me where I was. What do I say? The truth? That I could very well have a drinking problem or that I spent Friday night boozed out of my mind and couldn't make it on Saturday? What kind of role model would I be then?
I guess sometimes it's necessary to lie.
Sunday, which really was a few hours ago, signaled a reset point. There are some challenges ahead (like, I don't know, figuring out what I am going to do with my life now) but I have to find a way to motor through them.
I had this big plan of writing a post about secrets. I've seen them cause so much trouble in one side of my family. Secrets even affect myself and my relationship with people because I am so scared and confused about my sexuality. However, I thought it was more prudent to write about something real. Secrets are always kept because the keepers feel it's necessary. My actions have only hurt myself and these middle school kids who want nothing more than to save the world and have fun while doing so.
What have I been doing with my life?
I guess I've been learning. Learning the hard way, for sure.
