So, I broke down (and broke my little bank) to get tickets to go back to my college town for Alumni weekend with my fraternity.
I know that when I left, I told everyone "I'm not coming back." I'm an idiot. Here I am going back on my own word.
I think it was a bit obvious though that I was lying. It's not that I miss the town or the college. More so that I miss the people and the memories. There are a million bars like Woody's, Dukum Inn, Too Tall's, etc. all across the world. There are millions of running paths like Boundary Road, Cemetery, or Thousand Hills. There are millions of campuses like Truman and KCOM. However, none of these places have these exact people at that exact time in conjunction with me.
God, how hard it is to go back.
God, how much going back is so needed.
God, how I missed these people.
God, how I really don't care right now how weak I sound.
Maybe it's true, I finally am growing up.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Monday, January 28, 2008
Updatin It
Gah, here I go again, not posting in awhile. Here's what's going on, if you care, haha!
Michael is pretty much a thing of the past. At least mentally. I still see things that remind me of him, but the care part is almost gone. Haha, finally.
Last weekend, or whenever it was, I went out with Taylor, a girl I work with at both of my jobs, and Anita. We started out at Bill's Off Broadway where they ate pizza and I drank - a lot. Anita and Taylor were not originally going to turn this night into a party night, but I convinced them to go out. We settled on Rplace because both Anita and I like that type of music. We drank more and danced our asses off. Every guy that hit on me was instantly rejected. I had other things going on.
We made fools of ourselves this night. However, before we went into Rplace, I briefed Taylor and Anita by saying that if I ever say "Oh, that's Mike." that they were to keep me from doing anything stupid. I know how I get when I'm drunk, and I was totally not doing something I was going to regret. Luckily, he wasn't at Rplace. Or if he was, I never ran into him.
When Rplace started closing down, we were not ready to call it quits. The three of us decided to go to Neighbors were we could continue the party. On the way there, I realized that I was well on my way to being trashed. Or well, I guess I couldn't say that I realized it then because I can look back on it now and know that I was getting close because I could still think and see however inside of Neighbors is another story.
When we got close to the entrance, it was still in time to get alcohol and the underage people were not yet allowed in. So, there was a huge crowd outside. Walking up the door, I could hear someone yelling my name. The voice never registered. Had I still been able to distinguish voices, then I probably would have ignored the calls, but I couldn't. All I knew is that my name was being shouted and that I was going to find out who the fuck knew who I was in this giant city.
Of course, it was Michael. This is so like a bad gay movie. I don't know if he was drunk or not and it didn't matter. All I knew was that it was Mike (this is the first time I had seen him since the morning after Christmas, mind you) and I was drunk. I don't know what I would have done because I still very mad at him as well as still very much into him. We never got to find out because as soon as he started walking over to me, the said the magic words of "Oh, that's Mike." and Anita and Taylor stepped in. They dragged me around the corner away from Neighbors. I didn't want to end the night, which was an option at this point, and I could tell that the girls didn't want to either. So, we decided that we were going to go straight into Neighbors and stay away from Michael.
We did most of that. Michael kept hanging around us in the beginning trying to do who knows what. He was also giving me this look that I remembered. Now, looking back, it was the same damn look he was giving me the first night we met when I was totally dancing with someone else. Michael is a predator, like myself, but apparently one that is hard for me to beat. Besides, he had replaced me in that amount of time we had been apart. Why should I want to be with him? Who knows. Eventually, he moved on. He was completely on the prowl that night. Gross.
Later, when it was time for the underage group to come in (Neighbors is open after hours but does not serve alcohol during this time, so people under 21 can enter and dance, but that's it). There is this guy that I work with at the Gap who I have always thought was pretty attractive. When I first met him, however, I was with Mike, and being interested in someone else while I am seeing someone is completely out of the question for me. He is only 20, which is a bit of a knock for me. I tend to like older and especially like being able to go out drinking legally with someone I am interested in. One thing that is funny is that his name is also Josh and he is also from a more rural environment than this city life we are now both experiencing. I had originally planned on trying to catch up with Josh later tonight but I wasn't trying to be as drunk as I was at the time. Us doing much of anything didn't happen. Anita kept me away from Josh and he went on to dance nearby but with more guys who seem to be more his type than I am.
Anita, who just so happens to also be a lesbian, met a girl at Neighbors. This girl had a friend named Brady who just so happens to be gay. Apparently, I remember none of this part, as soon as Brady and I were introduced, we started dancing and lasted that way for the rest of the night. I do remember dancing with Brady and being inappropriate at the same time, but most of the encounter was completely fuzzed out due to alcohol. Somehow, his number ended up in my phone and we've been talking since then. I don't know where this will go either. I am so picky it's ridiculous. Well, at least I am as far as relationships go and that's all I'm looking for these days.
Since then I've been working a lot for City Year and not so much for Gap. I need the Gap to schedule me more often so I can actually make some money. My hours have really been cut down and it sucks.
This past weekend was amazing. I had to work Saturday, so didn't go out Friday night. However, Saturday night was my soccer team's kickoff party for the new season and we had it at the VIP room of the Purr. I drank my normal cheap wine before hand and had some of my new roommates drop me off. Almost right away, I ran into Mike's two roommates. I talked to them for a minute or two and then went upstairs to be with my team (those two would later came upstairs to talk to me further into the night). It was cool to be around everyone on the team when not dressed for soccer. I had a lot of fun with those guys.
Somehow, I completely skipped the "here comes getting trashed" phase and moved right into the trashed phase. I ended up leaving Purr with Abmel and Travis, and maybe others, but those are the only two I remember. Abmel and Travis both had to fill me in on a lot of what happened that night. When we got there, I think we bought more drinks. I ended up accidentally leaving my debit card there, so I am sure that I bought at least one drink. Travis checked our two coats and him giving me my ticket for my coat was the last vivid memory I have of that night. Abmel said that I instantly approached some guy on the dance floor who was dancing with his boyfriend. Abmel had not been drinking at all, so I believe everything he says about this night, haha. I knew that the two of these guys were together but I was only attracted to the darker haired one that was my height. Not the really tall blond one. We danced and I remember seeing the boyfriend watching and then (Abmel tells me this part happened, I remember doing it, but not with whom) we made out. Abmel said that he thought it was hilarious. The making out part was apparently a problem. The boyfriend separated us and the two started arguing in the middle of the dance floor. Travis thought I was involved in the fight but Abmel just thinks I was the cause of it. Eventually, the two of them started dancing together and they left me on the dance floor. Travis and I started dancing sometime during that. I do remember dancing with him partially. I also remember Abmel leaving.
Travis took me home that night and apparently I was a pain in the ass about getting back to my place. I do remember him getting mad at me in his ride saying that I was completely not helping things. The next day he told me that we were all over the place trying to get back to my house.
I probably made a fool out of myself in his truck. Actually, there is no probably about it, I am pretty damn sure I did considering the bits and pieces of the conversation that I remember. I know for a fact that I told him I liked him - his response is confidential, however.
The next day was our typical soccer game and drinks afterwards. I still so hungover during the game but was fine by the end of it. Most of us, Abmel and Travis included, went to a bar called Changes in Wallingford that is a hodunk gay bar. While we were waiting in line (my soccer team made up 3/4s of the people in there) this game came up to me to ask if we played soccer. I told him that we did and that we had just got done playing. He asked if we knew this was a gay bar and I told him that we did and that my entire team is gay. He was shocked, and so were the rest of his table. That conversation with him was like opening up a ton of questions from the rest of his crew. I had to field all of them as I was the closest guy to them.
We only had a few drinks before we decided that food was higher on the priority list. So, we went right next door to a Thai place and got some food. I had convinced Abmel to buy me my dinner, but wasn't really wanting him to. I only had rice, and was hella cheap. Well, I also had two glasses of wine, but whatever. I sat next to Travis and found out that he is seeing someone, so, while I am still really attracted to him, he is kind of off limits. Plus, he's a vegetarian. I am someone who eats almost no vegetables, how does that work? haha. Oh well.
I don't have a soccer game next week because of the Superbowl and since I didn't get Travis' number, will have to wait two weeks to see what's going on.
At least I have plans for next weekend already, going to a birthday party and probably will be making a fool out of myself all over again!
Michael is pretty much a thing of the past. At least mentally. I still see things that remind me of him, but the care part is almost gone. Haha, finally.
Last weekend, or whenever it was, I went out with Taylor, a girl I work with at both of my jobs, and Anita. We started out at Bill's Off Broadway where they ate pizza and I drank - a lot. Anita and Taylor were not originally going to turn this night into a party night, but I convinced them to go out. We settled on Rplace because both Anita and I like that type of music. We drank more and danced our asses off. Every guy that hit on me was instantly rejected. I had other things going on.
We made fools of ourselves this night. However, before we went into Rplace, I briefed Taylor and Anita by saying that if I ever say "Oh, that's Mike." that they were to keep me from doing anything stupid. I know how I get when I'm drunk, and I was totally not doing something I was going to regret. Luckily, he wasn't at Rplace. Or if he was, I never ran into him.
When Rplace started closing down, we were not ready to call it quits. The three of us decided to go to Neighbors were we could continue the party. On the way there, I realized that I was well on my way to being trashed. Or well, I guess I couldn't say that I realized it then because I can look back on it now and know that I was getting close because I could still think and see however inside of Neighbors is another story.
When we got close to the entrance, it was still in time to get alcohol and the underage people were not yet allowed in. So, there was a huge crowd outside. Walking up the door, I could hear someone yelling my name. The voice never registered. Had I still been able to distinguish voices, then I probably would have ignored the calls, but I couldn't. All I knew is that my name was being shouted and that I was going to find out who the fuck knew who I was in this giant city.
Of course, it was Michael. This is so like a bad gay movie. I don't know if he was drunk or not and it didn't matter. All I knew was that it was Mike (this is the first time I had seen him since the morning after Christmas, mind you) and I was drunk. I don't know what I would have done because I still very mad at him as well as still very much into him. We never got to find out because as soon as he started walking over to me, the said the magic words of "Oh, that's Mike." and Anita and Taylor stepped in. They dragged me around the corner away from Neighbors. I didn't want to end the night, which was an option at this point, and I could tell that the girls didn't want to either. So, we decided that we were going to go straight into Neighbors and stay away from Michael.
We did most of that. Michael kept hanging around us in the beginning trying to do who knows what. He was also giving me this look that I remembered. Now, looking back, it was the same damn look he was giving me the first night we met when I was totally dancing with someone else. Michael is a predator, like myself, but apparently one that is hard for me to beat. Besides, he had replaced me in that amount of time we had been apart. Why should I want to be with him? Who knows. Eventually, he moved on. He was completely on the prowl that night. Gross.
Later, when it was time for the underage group to come in (Neighbors is open after hours but does not serve alcohol during this time, so people under 21 can enter and dance, but that's it). There is this guy that I work with at the Gap who I have always thought was pretty attractive. When I first met him, however, I was with Mike, and being interested in someone else while I am seeing someone is completely out of the question for me. He is only 20, which is a bit of a knock for me. I tend to like older and especially like being able to go out drinking legally with someone I am interested in. One thing that is funny is that his name is also Josh and he is also from a more rural environment than this city life we are now both experiencing. I had originally planned on trying to catch up with Josh later tonight but I wasn't trying to be as drunk as I was at the time. Us doing much of anything didn't happen. Anita kept me away from Josh and he went on to dance nearby but with more guys who seem to be more his type than I am.
Anita, who just so happens to also be a lesbian, met a girl at Neighbors. This girl had a friend named Brady who just so happens to be gay. Apparently, I remember none of this part, as soon as Brady and I were introduced, we started dancing and lasted that way for the rest of the night. I do remember dancing with Brady and being inappropriate at the same time, but most of the encounter was completely fuzzed out due to alcohol. Somehow, his number ended up in my phone and we've been talking since then. I don't know where this will go either. I am so picky it's ridiculous. Well, at least I am as far as relationships go and that's all I'm looking for these days.
Since then I've been working a lot for City Year and not so much for Gap. I need the Gap to schedule me more often so I can actually make some money. My hours have really been cut down and it sucks.
This past weekend was amazing. I had to work Saturday, so didn't go out Friday night. However, Saturday night was my soccer team's kickoff party for the new season and we had it at the VIP room of the Purr. I drank my normal cheap wine before hand and had some of my new roommates drop me off. Almost right away, I ran into Mike's two roommates. I talked to them for a minute or two and then went upstairs to be with my team (those two would later came upstairs to talk to me further into the night). It was cool to be around everyone on the team when not dressed for soccer. I had a lot of fun with those guys.
Somehow, I completely skipped the "here comes getting trashed" phase and moved right into the trashed phase. I ended up leaving Purr with Abmel and Travis, and maybe others, but those are the only two I remember. Abmel and Travis both had to fill me in on a lot of what happened that night. When we got there, I think we bought more drinks. I ended up accidentally leaving my debit card there, so I am sure that I bought at least one drink. Travis checked our two coats and him giving me my ticket for my coat was the last vivid memory I have of that night. Abmel said that I instantly approached some guy on the dance floor who was dancing with his boyfriend. Abmel had not been drinking at all, so I believe everything he says about this night, haha. I knew that the two of these guys were together but I was only attracted to the darker haired one that was my height. Not the really tall blond one. We danced and I remember seeing the boyfriend watching and then (Abmel tells me this part happened, I remember doing it, but not with whom) we made out. Abmel said that he thought it was hilarious. The making out part was apparently a problem. The boyfriend separated us and the two started arguing in the middle of the dance floor. Travis thought I was involved in the fight but Abmel just thinks I was the cause of it. Eventually, the two of them started dancing together and they left me on the dance floor. Travis and I started dancing sometime during that. I do remember dancing with him partially. I also remember Abmel leaving.
Travis took me home that night and apparently I was a pain in the ass about getting back to my place. I do remember him getting mad at me in his ride saying that I was completely not helping things. The next day he told me that we were all over the place trying to get back to my house.
I probably made a fool out of myself in his truck. Actually, there is no probably about it, I am pretty damn sure I did considering the bits and pieces of the conversation that I remember. I know for a fact that I told him I liked him - his response is confidential, however.
The next day was our typical soccer game and drinks afterwards. I still so hungover during the game but was fine by the end of it. Most of us, Abmel and Travis included, went to a bar called Changes in Wallingford that is a hodunk gay bar. While we were waiting in line (my soccer team made up 3/4s of the people in there) this game came up to me to ask if we played soccer. I told him that we did and that we had just got done playing. He asked if we knew this was a gay bar and I told him that we did and that my entire team is gay. He was shocked, and so were the rest of his table. That conversation with him was like opening up a ton of questions from the rest of his crew. I had to field all of them as I was the closest guy to them.
We only had a few drinks before we decided that food was higher on the priority list. So, we went right next door to a Thai place and got some food. I had convinced Abmel to buy me my dinner, but wasn't really wanting him to. I only had rice, and was hella cheap. Well, I also had two glasses of wine, but whatever. I sat next to Travis and found out that he is seeing someone, so, while I am still really attracted to him, he is kind of off limits. Plus, he's a vegetarian. I am someone who eats almost no vegetables, how does that work? haha. Oh well.
I don't have a soccer game next week because of the Superbowl and since I didn't get Travis' number, will have to wait two weeks to see what's going on.
At least I have plans for next weekend already, going to a birthday party and probably will be making a fool out of myself all over again!
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Moved!
I moved out of my house on Beacon Hill tonight to the AmeriHouse which is on the border of University District and Wallingford in Seattle.
I've already noticed huge changes in the people around this area.
Saturday night was a handful. I'll be able to write more about it at a later date, I have to figure some shit out first.
Later.
I've already noticed huge changes in the people around this area.
Saturday night was a handful. I'll be able to write more about it at a later date, I have to figure some shit out first.
Later.
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Letter to the Public
So, I came across this letter and really want to know where it was published and by whom so I can site it appropriately.
Here it is, tell me your opinions of this letter. I'll add some of mine below it.
"Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I’ve taken enough from you good people. I’m tired of your foolish rhetoric about the “homosexual agenda” and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.
However, I still feel that this type of letter is a good thing. It makes sense to have this point of view explained to heterosexual people by a heterosexual individual.
What do you think?
Here it is, tell me your opinions of this letter. I'll add some of mine below it.
"Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I’ve taken enough from you good people. I’m tired of your foolish rhetoric about the “homosexual agenda” and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny.
My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay.
He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other boys. He was called “fag” incessantly, starting when he was age 6.
In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn’t bear to continue living any longer, that he didn’t want to be gay that he couldn’t face a life without dignity.
You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don’t know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn’t put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it’s about time you started doing that.
At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won’t get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don’t know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty that it is inborn.
If you want to tout your own morality, you’d best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I’m puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen that you could change it at will? If that’s not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?
A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I’ll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for “true Vermonters.”
You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn’t give their lives so that the “homosexual agenda” could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.
He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn’t the measure of the man.
You religious folk just can’t bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance.
How dare he? You say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage. You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin.
The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about “those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing” asks: “What ever happened to the idea of striving to be better human beings than we are?”
Indeed, sir, whatever happened to that?"
Now, there is one interesting thing that popped out at me right away after I read this. The mom is in total support of her son. This is a circumstance that is not enjoyed by a lot of people, including myself. My dad is not so cool with the issue. My mom is sort of borderline. Neither of them would defend me like this mother did.
However, I still feel that this type of letter is a good thing. It makes sense to have this point of view explained to heterosexual people by a heterosexual individual.
What do you think?
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
Politics?
I've never been a fan of politics. I don't follow them or the politicians and I tend to stay away from any drama that they cause. Lately, I've began to get more interested, but only on the issues that I believe affect me.
I'm tired of idiots who allow religion to cloud their judgements. We are teaching the 1st Amendment to our students and it is only becoming more and more clear how stupid our government is. Now, pay attention, because while this may not be news for a lot of people, I never really took the time to follow how our government worked.
Why the fuck are there still laws that discriminate against people who are not Caucasian and laws that restrict the rights of people who are not straight? Honestly, why the fuck?
Why is New Orleans still a mess yet San Diego is nearly back on its feet?
Why can't these soccer mom types and pastor wannabes get rid of their stupid prejudices for long enough to allow other people the freedom that they are rightly given in our constitution? It makes no goddamn sense why some people are allowed the right to "pursue happiness" while others are completely limited in what they can and cannot do. Who the hell are you to tell someone that a gay couple cannot get married? That they cannot share spousal benefits, insurance, inheritance, adoptions, etc.? There are plenty of fucked up straight couples in this world that are receiving every damn incentive they want while more capable couples, who just so happen to be of the same sex, are denied any sort of leverage.
I simply do not understand this process of thinking. It makes absolutely no sense! Who allows you to decide whats best for other people? Go get some goddamn business of your own and leave others alone.
South Africa has it right: "When we attained our democracy, we sought to distinguish ourselves from an unjust painful past, by declaring that never again shall it be that any South African will be discriminated against on the basis of color, creed, culture and sex,"
-Home Affairs Minister of South Africa Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula
Bolivia has it right: "The state prohibits and punishes any form of discrimination based on sex, color, age, sexual orientation, gender identity, origin, culture, nationality, citizenship, language, religious creed, ideology, political affiliation or philosophical beliefs, marital status, economic or social status, type of occupation, level of education, disability, pregnancy, or other factors that have the purpose or effect of nullifying or impairing recognition, enjoyment or exercise, on an equal footing, of the rights of everyone." - Article 14 of Bolivia's planned new constitution
Before I get any propaganda about political parties, I'm not a democrat pussy or republican zealot, I don't identify with a party.
What I want is for this statement to become true: "There are too many moments these days when we cannot recognize our country. ... We can only hope that this time, unlike 2004, American voters will have the wisdom to grant the awesome powers of the presidency to someone who has the integrity, principle and decency to use them honorably. Then when we look in the mirror as a nation, we will see, once again, the reflection of the United States of America." - The New York Times' New Year's Eve editorial
We need to be who we say we are. Fucktards.
I'm tired of idiots who allow religion to cloud their judgements. We are teaching the 1st Amendment to our students and it is only becoming more and more clear how stupid our government is. Now, pay attention, because while this may not be news for a lot of people, I never really took the time to follow how our government worked.
Why the fuck are there still laws that discriminate against people who are not Caucasian and laws that restrict the rights of people who are not straight? Honestly, why the fuck?
Why is New Orleans still a mess yet San Diego is nearly back on its feet?
Why can't these soccer mom types and pastor wannabes get rid of their stupid prejudices for long enough to allow other people the freedom that they are rightly given in our constitution? It makes no goddamn sense why some people are allowed the right to "pursue happiness" while others are completely limited in what they can and cannot do. Who the hell are you to tell someone that a gay couple cannot get married? That they cannot share spousal benefits, insurance, inheritance, adoptions, etc.? There are plenty of fucked up straight couples in this world that are receiving every damn incentive they want while more capable couples, who just so happen to be of the same sex, are denied any sort of leverage.
I simply do not understand this process of thinking. It makes absolutely no sense! Who allows you to decide whats best for other people? Go get some goddamn business of your own and leave others alone.
South Africa has it right: "When we attained our democracy, we sought to distinguish ourselves from an unjust painful past, by declaring that never again shall it be that any South African will be discriminated against on the basis of color, creed, culture and sex,"
-Home Affairs Minister of South Africa Nosiviwe Mapisa-Nqakula
Bolivia has it right: "The state prohibits and punishes any form of discrimination based on sex, color, age, sexual orientation, gender identity, origin, culture, nationality, citizenship, language, religious creed, ideology, political affiliation or philosophical beliefs, marital status, economic or social status, type of occupation, level of education, disability, pregnancy, or other factors that have the purpose or effect of nullifying or impairing recognition, enjoyment or exercise, on an equal footing, of the rights of everyone." - Article 14 of Bolivia's planned new constitution
Before I get any propaganda about political parties, I'm not a democrat pussy or republican zealot, I don't identify with a party.
What I want is for this statement to become true: "There are too many moments these days when we cannot recognize our country. ... We can only hope that this time, unlike 2004, American voters will have the wisdom to grant the awesome powers of the presidency to someone who has the integrity, principle and decency to use them honorably. Then when we look in the mirror as a nation, we will see, once again, the reflection of the United States of America." - The New York Times' New Year's Eve editorial
We need to be who we say we are. Fucktards.
Monday, January 14, 2008
Changes
Time flies when you are having fun.
It also flies when you are working your ass off.
I've been doing a lot of the latter.
Gap has asked me to stay on as a permanent part time sales associate. That is very good in more than one aspect: 1) I will continue to be making more income, 2) I will continue to meet more people outside of City Year, and 3) I will have some type of job for when City Year is over. I like working at the Gap most days and although I know that this place will not be my career I can recognize that it is good to have a job that you like for the immediate future.
For City Year I have been working my ass off like normal. We had a retreat this past weekend with our middle school students that is called Heroes Training Academy (HTA). Jane, one of the girls on my team, and I were both put in charge of this event. We went with the Superheroes theme and laid out what everyone would be doing. I was in charge of writing the schedule (Q2Q), creating the welcome, and setting up the team roll out. Out of all of those things, the welcome was most definitely the hardest. I used my cousin, Matt, who is way more knowledgeable about computers than I am to help me out. I had him take pictures of us that I sent him and create us as comic book characters. They turned out really great and fit in with our theme amazingly. If you want to get the PowerPoint of the welcome, just let me know. You will need to have Microsoft Office PowerPoint 2007 to view the presentation, however.
Soccer has also started back up and I am so grateful for this. Our second game was yesterday and I was actually able to go to this one. I worked my ass off, met a bunch of new players, and laughed with some of the crazy old ones. I am so glad that I kept Ripple Effect and didn't take up the offers for the other teams. I want my soccer time to be fun time.
If you've been reading this blog for awhile, you may remember the incident with Brad. You know, the STI scare. Well, due to my boss' urging I got myself tested last Thursday. Everything is all good, I'm still clean. The damn guy who was designated as my counselor really worked me up in the process though, saying things like "What would be the worst thing that could happen if this test has a positive result?" "What would you do?" "How is your emotional support system?" "What would your family think?" All of these questions while we are waiting for the blood test to get done and while only he can see the results forming. I will admit that I was starting to think that I did have HIV and that he was preparing me. When he finally showed me and told me that I was clean I almost started crying. What an emotional roller coaster ride. Bastard. However, this does give me a bit of a new lease on life and this spectre will no longer be at the back of mind as a possibility. I am very glad for that relief.
As far as other things, they are going slow. I really think that my enjoyment of Seattle would be so much greater if I wasn't working all the time and had way more freedom. I thought that Michael would be able to help with a lot of that. It's over between us, and was finally made official about a week ago. At the urging of my boss again, I wrote Mike what was on my mind and sent him to him rather than leave a voicemail or something similar. It is often easier for me to write things out rather than voice them. So, the letter I wrote him went on for three pages; I will spare you the details. His reply was long as well, at least, long for him, and went on to describe his phone being turned off because he didn't pay the bill, how sick he got right after a party that Friday when I tried to get a hold of him, his urethritis and sub sequential STI scare, and his new found time to do some long thinking about the two of us. He decided that our personalities were not good matches but also stated that he had never intended to hurt me. It's a bit late for the hurt part, but if that was the case, what was with all the pictures he put up of him and another dude before we were officially over? And the less than a week later changing to "In a relationship" status on absolutely everything? I think that I have been trying to get myself to hate Michael when really I know that I still like him. It's harder to allow myself to still like him rather than to start focusing on his faults to get myself to dislike him. Romantically, life sucks right now. On the one hand, I am single and free, and on the other, I just lost something that I thought was meaningful.
So, I go out. Somewhere in my screwed up head I associate fixing my emotional problems with drinking and flirting. I definitely accomplished both. One night, I went out with a co-worker, Ronda. We went to this bar/restaurant that she had been wanting to go to, then to normally my favorite R-Place. R-Place was completely dead. I got hit on, turned the guy down then Ronda and I went to another place called Neighbours. Neighbours stays open later but stops selling alcohol at the normal time. We were dancing and doing our own thing when suddenly the music changes and is suddenly salsa or something. Totally what we are not used to at a club. We made our way off the dance floor ASAP. While we were looking out at the crowd, I remember mentioning to Ronda that there were a lot of Hispanic guys there. I am actually very attracted to Hispanic guys, so this was not necessarily a bad thing. Almost immediately after that, some guy comes up from the dance floor (Ronda and I were standing on an elevated platform) and asks me if I want to do the cha cha with him. Ronda tells me to go do it and for some reason I play stupid. I tell him (his name is Mario, PS) that I don't know how to do it. He says that he will teach me. Who the hell am I trying to fool? I know how to do the cha cha, the tango, salsa, waltz, swing, Irish set dance, and more for Christ's sakes! In any case, it worked. He showed me a little bit of it and I immediately started doing what I already knew. He was, of course, dumbfounded. Anyways, I ended up hanging out and doing the various dance things that night with him and ended up finding out that this particular night was Latino Night. That explains things a bit. I went home with him that night and Ronda had some other people take her home. No sex for me though. Which was probably a good thing seeing as to how we were on the floor of a living room with another dude passed out on the couch nearby. I also spent the entire next day with him and his friends while they were shopping for new clothes. He works outside of Seattle and doesn't come in unless he's off. So, I have his number and we'll see what happens.
The night after I got Michael's response, I went out in full force. Completely on my own, I bought two bottles of what my roommate, Willy, calls "bum wine". Drank some of them, went to Bill's Off Broadway where I had a Long Island. Then went to R-Place. I met another guy here eventually. The crowd was small again, but larger than when Ronda and I had been there. I set my sights on one guy in the entire place. I normally do not do the approaching but this time I did. Albeit, I did it through one of the girls in his crew. When she was in line to get more drinks, I approached her and started asking questions about the guy and easily enough, he came over. I spent the rest of the night with this guy and his friends. He and I ended up going to Neighbours after R-Place and eventually to his apartment. I had drank a whole ton this night, the two of us kept buying each other drinks. We had some hot dog or something on the way to his house. After we got there, things went like normal hookups go (safely!). Well, I think it did. I don't remember the end result. His name is Jesse and is my age. However, I don't remember a lot from that night. I do remember getting up the next morning and being completely unable to find my underwear. To this day, that pair is still missing. Maybe he has found them by now, who knows. In any case, I went to work (yes, I had to work the next morning), still trashed, wearing what I wore out the night before, and even in a pair of Jesse's underpants which were admittedly too small for me. I survived the day just barely. I went through the first two hours drunk, the next hour hungover like hell, and the final hour feeling sick. I ended up throwing up in the women's restroom ten minutes before I got off work. Yeah, typical classy Josh.
In either case, I haven't seen Mario or Jesse since then although I wouldn't be opposed to either. However, I do know that I was really in having fun mode when I met both of them.
Another big change right now is that I am moving. I'm not leaving Seattle, however, though a series of events, a room has opened up at the AmeriHouse and I am going to take the opportunity. This location is so much more to my liking. It's much closer to Seattle's night life as well as closer to both of my jobs. Travel time is going to be reduced dramatically. This alone will allow some extra freedom back into my life. And now, with being able to go out and come back safely (without walking from downtown Seattle back up to Beacon Hill) I will be much more comfortable with going out. We will see how this all goes. Right now I am still packing for move as I cannot move in until the girl who has moved out takes all of her stuff.
I'm exhausted as hell and really in need of a nap, so I think that's up on the agenda. Hopefully, I will be able to update this thing more often so it's not such a mouthful each time I post.
It also flies when you are working your ass off.
I've been doing a lot of the latter.
Gap has asked me to stay on as a permanent part time sales associate. That is very good in more than one aspect: 1) I will continue to be making more income, 2) I will continue to meet more people outside of City Year, and 3) I will have some type of job for when City Year is over. I like working at the Gap most days and although I know that this place will not be my career I can recognize that it is good to have a job that you like for the immediate future.
For City Year I have been working my ass off like normal. We had a retreat this past weekend with our middle school students that is called Heroes Training Academy (HTA). Jane, one of the girls on my team, and I were both put in charge of this event. We went with the Superheroes theme and laid out what everyone would be doing. I was in charge of writing the schedule (Q2Q), creating the welcome, and setting up the team roll out. Out of all of those things, the welcome was most definitely the hardest. I used my cousin, Matt, who is way more knowledgeable about computers than I am to help me out. I had him take pictures of us that I sent him and create us as comic book characters. They turned out really great and fit in with our theme amazingly. If you want to get the PowerPoint of the welcome, just let me know. You will need to have Microsoft Office PowerPoint 2007 to view the presentation, however.
Soccer has also started back up and I am so grateful for this. Our second game was yesterday and I was actually able to go to this one. I worked my ass off, met a bunch of new players, and laughed with some of the crazy old ones. I am so glad that I kept Ripple Effect and didn't take up the offers for the other teams. I want my soccer time to be fun time.
If you've been reading this blog for awhile, you may remember the incident with Brad. You know, the STI scare. Well, due to my boss' urging I got myself tested last Thursday. Everything is all good, I'm still clean. The damn guy who was designated as my counselor really worked me up in the process though, saying things like "What would be the worst thing that could happen if this test has a positive result?" "What would you do?" "How is your emotional support system?" "What would your family think?" All of these questions while we are waiting for the blood test to get done and while only he can see the results forming. I will admit that I was starting to think that I did have HIV and that he was preparing me. When he finally showed me and told me that I was clean I almost started crying. What an emotional roller coaster ride. Bastard. However, this does give me a bit of a new lease on life and this spectre will no longer be at the back of mind as a possibility. I am very glad for that relief.
As far as other things, they are going slow. I really think that my enjoyment of Seattle would be so much greater if I wasn't working all the time and had way more freedom. I thought that Michael would be able to help with a lot of that. It's over between us, and was finally made official about a week ago. At the urging of my boss again, I wrote Mike what was on my mind and sent him to him rather than leave a voicemail or something similar. It is often easier for me to write things out rather than voice them. So, the letter I wrote him went on for three pages; I will spare you the details. His reply was long as well, at least, long for him, and went on to describe his phone being turned off because he didn't pay the bill, how sick he got right after a party that Friday when I tried to get a hold of him, his urethritis and sub sequential STI scare, and his new found time to do some long thinking about the two of us. He decided that our personalities were not good matches but also stated that he had never intended to hurt me. It's a bit late for the hurt part, but if that was the case, what was with all the pictures he put up of him and another dude before we were officially over? And the less than a week later changing to "In a relationship" status on absolutely everything? I think that I have been trying to get myself to hate Michael when really I know that I still like him. It's harder to allow myself to still like him rather than to start focusing on his faults to get myself to dislike him. Romantically, life sucks right now. On the one hand, I am single and free, and on the other, I just lost something that I thought was meaningful.
So, I go out. Somewhere in my screwed up head I associate fixing my emotional problems with drinking and flirting. I definitely accomplished both. One night, I went out with a co-worker, Ronda. We went to this bar/restaurant that she had been wanting to go to, then to normally my favorite R-Place. R-Place was completely dead. I got hit on, turned the guy down then Ronda and I went to another place called Neighbours. Neighbours stays open later but stops selling alcohol at the normal time. We were dancing and doing our own thing when suddenly the music changes and is suddenly salsa or something. Totally what we are not used to at a club. We made our way off the dance floor ASAP. While we were looking out at the crowd, I remember mentioning to Ronda that there were a lot of Hispanic guys there. I am actually very attracted to Hispanic guys, so this was not necessarily a bad thing. Almost immediately after that, some guy comes up from the dance floor (Ronda and I were standing on an elevated platform) and asks me if I want to do the cha cha with him. Ronda tells me to go do it and for some reason I play stupid. I tell him (his name is Mario, PS) that I don't know how to do it. He says that he will teach me. Who the hell am I trying to fool? I know how to do the cha cha, the tango, salsa, waltz, swing, Irish set dance, and more for Christ's sakes! In any case, it worked. He showed me a little bit of it and I immediately started doing what I already knew. He was, of course, dumbfounded. Anyways, I ended up hanging out and doing the various dance things that night with him and ended up finding out that this particular night was Latino Night. That explains things a bit. I went home with him that night and Ronda had some other people take her home. No sex for me though. Which was probably a good thing seeing as to how we were on the floor of a living room with another dude passed out on the couch nearby. I also spent the entire next day with him and his friends while they were shopping for new clothes. He works outside of Seattle and doesn't come in unless he's off. So, I have his number and we'll see what happens.
The night after I got Michael's response, I went out in full force. Completely on my own, I bought two bottles of what my roommate, Willy, calls "bum wine". Drank some of them, went to Bill's Off Broadway where I had a Long Island. Then went to R-Place. I met another guy here eventually. The crowd was small again, but larger than when Ronda and I had been there. I set my sights on one guy in the entire place. I normally do not do the approaching but this time I did. Albeit, I did it through one of the girls in his crew. When she was in line to get more drinks, I approached her and started asking questions about the guy and easily enough, he came over. I spent the rest of the night with this guy and his friends. He and I ended up going to Neighbours after R-Place and eventually to his apartment. I had drank a whole ton this night, the two of us kept buying each other drinks. We had some hot dog or something on the way to his house. After we got there, things went like normal hookups go (safely!). Well, I think it did. I don't remember the end result. His name is Jesse and is my age. However, I don't remember a lot from that night. I do remember getting up the next morning and being completely unable to find my underwear. To this day, that pair is still missing. Maybe he has found them by now, who knows. In any case, I went to work (yes, I had to work the next morning), still trashed, wearing what I wore out the night before, and even in a pair of Jesse's underpants which were admittedly too small for me. I survived the day just barely. I went through the first two hours drunk, the next hour hungover like hell, and the final hour feeling sick. I ended up throwing up in the women's restroom ten minutes before I got off work. Yeah, typical classy Josh.
In either case, I haven't seen Mario or Jesse since then although I wouldn't be opposed to either. However, I do know that I was really in having fun mode when I met both of them.
Another big change right now is that I am moving. I'm not leaving Seattle, however, though a series of events, a room has opened up at the AmeriHouse and I am going to take the opportunity. This location is so much more to my liking. It's much closer to Seattle's night life as well as closer to both of my jobs. Travel time is going to be reduced dramatically. This alone will allow some extra freedom back into my life. And now, with being able to go out and come back safely (without walking from downtown Seattle back up to Beacon Hill) I will be much more comfortable with going out. We will see how this all goes. Right now I am still packing for move as I cannot move in until the girl who has moved out takes all of her stuff.
I'm exhausted as hell and really in need of a nap, so I think that's up on the agenda. Hopefully, I will be able to update this thing more often so it's not such a mouthful each time I post.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)