Time for a break

From school that is.

I am so excited that I get to leave this town and this school for Thanksgiving break. Sometimes, people just need to get away from friends, roommates, frats, and most importantly, school. I am kind of bummed about not being able to go to Chicago with my mom's side of the family for Thanksgiving (I've never been to Chicago, unless you count a lay over in the airport). But it will be different and relaxing to stay at home where my dad lives. I blame my car, it died last week and all attempts to resuscitate have failed.

I'm done with tests and assignments until after I get back. I'm probably going to spend this break relaxing even though I will have to do some work studying for the GRE. I hate standardized tests.

Most importantly, is that when I get back from break, there are only three more weeks of classes. Then we're on winter break. My brother will be coming home for the holidays then too, which I absolutely cannot wait for.

Have a good Thanksgiving everyone.

Classes suck, especially this one

Biochemistry is destroying me physically and emotionally.

That is all.

Drinking and Driving

Last night I had an "Old Hollywood" themed dance (where I tried to emulate James Dean) for my fraternity as well as a PRISM dance to go to. The venue for the frat party didn't allow alcohol and like any normal red blooded American, I wanted to be drunk before I tried dancing in front of other people.

I like to run on schedules and if something happens to impede that, I get a little cranky. That being said, I wanted to get to the Old Hollywood dance early and be there for an hour and half and then get to the PRISM dance for the drag show at midnight.

My date was two and half hours late. She slept through her alarm and her phone calls apparently.

So, by the time she called to tell me she wasn't standing me up, I was already drunk. I snuck out of my house before my roommates and their dates could figure things out and drove over to her house to get her and then get to the parties. I was able to do everything I had planned, but not in the amount of time that I wanted to.

I drove drunk, which I am guilty of doing every once and awhile, and it's a bad thing.

I ended up getting so drunk last night that I could no longer see faces. My date left sometime during the PRISM dance with my car to pick up one of her friends and I never saw her again and if wasn't for Scott and Amy, I would have had no way to get home last night. Thank goodness for friends who don't ditch their friends.

So, basically there's no real point to this post other than I wanted to type something. I'm completely hung over right now and I have a ton of things to do today to prepare for this week of classes.

Growing up sucks.

Predator

Recently I was at a gay bar in a city near the town where I go to college and as soon as I got there I went straight up to the bar. Before I could get a bartender's attention I was pounced on by a much older man.

I turn around and there he is: inches from me. I'm definitely one of those people who has my own bubble. I wasn't even drunk yet and this man was really in my space.

He offered to buy me a drink, and before I fully considered what saying "sure" would mean, I went along with getting free alcohol. Little did I know that this man would take that as to mean he would be my shadow for the rest of the night.

He would never stop talking to me, even when I thought I was giving polite signals that I wasn't interested. Eventually, I even found a guy more my age that I thought was attractive. I started talking to him and the older man got in between us to continue harassing me.

Basically, I was trapped with this older guy all because I let him buy me a drink.

Moral is: don't let someone buy you a drink unless you are interested in actually getting to know them better instead of for the free alcohol.

What the...

So, something I've always wondered is why do gay guys stereotype themselves? I've often been asked if I was gay or straight (while at a gay club) or told that if I was seen walking down the street I wouldn't be pegged as being gay. Secretly, I love that.

But why is it that when a guy comes out of the closet he feels that he has just gained a get out of jail free card to being flamboyant and girly? What's the appeal in that?

I hate to shop. I hate dressing flashy. I don't eat salads for every meal. I don't pluck my eyebrows. I don't wear makeup. I keep my body hair, I do trim yes, but I keep it. I don't want to be a girl. I don't try to be a girl.

But yet I still like dudes.

Personally, every time I see a flamboyantly gay guy I was always ask "why?". Is the fact that you're gay the only interesting part of you? I sincerely hope not.

What the...

Impressionable

Life has been crazy. Hence, the lateness of a new post.

David, quit secretly reading my blog. It's not ready for you yet.



Every once and a while, people meet other people who leave huge impressions on your life. This post is dedicated to some of the greatest people I've ever met. People who I hope will stay in touch with me after we all leave this town and this college.

Easy DZ: Dan
I met this man my freshman year of college in a chemistry class, yep that would be almost five years ago. I think of everyone he's left the biggest mark on me. I guess you could say that I fell in love instantly. He's insanely fucked up mentally and physically. Dan will probably die before he reaches thirty. But those things aren't really noticed. Almost everyone who has met him has felt like he's flirting with them, it's just his personality. All that aside, this guy helped me lose sixty-five pounds. I was pushing obese when I came to college and now I'm normal, average, and much happier. He got me on a workout plan, eating better, being active, and reintroduced me to sports. We have had plenty of classes together while we've been in college and there once was a time when everything I did revolved around this man. You could basically say I was obsessed. I think he knew it too and that drove him away. Or, I could just keep blaming that on one of his ex-girlfriends, who I disliked a great deal. That obsession was one of the reasons I rushed a fraternity. I had to get something that wasn't about Dan, something that was mine. It was the best decision I ever made. I don't really know what to say about this guy other than that he is amazing. He knows me better than anyone at Truman, strange enough. And he's not even one of the people I party with. We've seen each other change and go through things in these few years that most people never see. He was one of the first people I came out to and although at first I thought he was weirded out by it, he has come to be one of the ones who has taken it the best and will even joke around about it with me. Some people just never want to even bring that subject up. I honestly hope that we will stay in touch after we leave here, but I could see that not happening. We both hate to talk on the phone. And I suck at keeping in touch with people.

Sarah
I met Sarah shortly after I met Dan. She and I were really good friends when we both lived in the dorms. She was one of my first outlets to the night life at Truman and a girl that is incredibly intelligent. She's going to be something big someday. After I left the dorms, I kept in touch with her, but not very well. Now, she's got her own thing and I have mine and we don't really do anything together anymore. I see her occasionally but not as often as I should. I do keep secret tabs on her though just to make sure she's doing okay.

Asia
She's crazy. That's basically it. She's extremely outgoing, which is something I'm definitely not. She's short, opinionated, and vulgar. A lot of who I am today is from hanging out with her. She's got really huge boobs, fyi. They always seem to want to pop out of whatever she is wearing. She's got this weird quality of really liking you and wanting to do absolutely everything with you until she gets bored and then finds someone else. But she will be back to being your best friend in like a week. Strange strange girl. However, she's a great person and is practically friends with everyone. Sometimes, I wonder how the hell did I end up being one of her good friends when she has so many other people out there that are so much more cool than I am?

Ames
Amy is one of the girls that I met when I joined an organization. I don't really know how it happened, but she and I became really good friends. While we were still new to this organization, she, along with Abbie, David, and Jennifer would come with me to most of the events and parties we had. She seems to really like to talk about my sex life and the gay side of me, which is a little strange but fun. The one thing about Amy that is a little hard to deal with is how clean everything has to be. She's going to be one of those moms who will carry around a disinfectant everywhere she goes. Her poor poor kids. The greatest thing about Amy is that I can always count on her. She's one of the most responsible and considerate people I have ever met. She calls me if she sees something that reminds her of me, none of my friends have ever done that for me before and that one small thing gets her huge huge brownie points.

Abs
Abbie is another person I met and is in fact one of Amy's best friends. She's a little eccentric but that only makes her more fun. She will psyche you up with a story she really wants to tell you and then when she finally does, it normally turns out to be a "you had to be there" kind of scene. If this helps you get any more information on what kind of person she is: her majors at college are classics and english... that's what I thought too. But, she's going to law school after undergrad and has been working for a law firm for awhile now, so she has some major credibility going with her. Recently, she got engaged to my roommate. I feel really sorry for her.

David
David is my roommate. Although I live in a house for four people, David and I are the only two that live on the same floor. Therefore, I pretty much only refer to him as my roommate. We met when we both rushed the same fraternity. This kid is a nerd, to the max. But I think that's what first got me liking him, was finding out that he is as big a nerd as I am yet still likes to be social and have lives. I've rescued him from a bat, a crazy woman with road rage, and saved his life outside of a party. What more can you ask of roommates and friends? As of now though, he has become Abbie's shadow. What is it with guys when they find who they want to marry? I swear, they become more girly than most gay guys I know.

Jennifer
Jennifer was one of the original group of friends from a way back. Since then, people have sort of moved in different directions and she was one of them who moved away from the rest of us. I think out of everyone, only Amy and I really attempt to keep in touch and keep the friendship ties strong between her and us. Even if all we do is go out to eat chinese and rag on our relationships and/or body problems. Jennifer is amazingly artistic. She represents a lot of what I miss about being able to do while I was in high school. I was pretty big into ceramics pre-undergrad and now I just don't have the time. She doesn't do ceramics, but she does paint and draw, two talents that I greatly admire.

Heathers
Real name, Heath. Heath is simply great. He's one of the smartest guys I know and has a great personality along with that. Whenever he gets a girl though, he disappears off the face of the earth. He is the first of three little brothers that David and I have in our fraternity. We knew him before he rushed, however. I met Heath through Abbie when she and I stayed a summer here where we go to college instead of going home. I remember I went to his birthday dinner and was like "who is this kid? why should I be at his dinner? I don't know him". Later that night, he and I tag team wrestled three girls and completely dominated. From then on out, we've been pretty good friends. Someday, I know I'm going to read some huge scientific research find that revolutionizes something and I will see Heath's name attached to it. Then I will be able to say, "I knew that man. I drank with that man. I got my ass kicked in pool every single time by that man."

Scottie B
Scott is the second of three little brothers David and I have in our fraternity. Neither of us knew Scott before he rushed and since I was the Initiate Advisor when he joined it was sort of random that I stuck David and I with Scott. However, it has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. He's one of the jockiest/flightiest people I've met, but that only makes him an even more amazing guy. He absolutely cares about other people more than himself. I am constantly thankful that he came into our lives, not only because he and Amy are now an item, but because Scott truly is one of those people that you wish you could more like. This dude's got it all, end.

Bagina
Vanity is pretty awesome as well. She's focused, directed, and a ton of fun. She's got a way different perspective on life than I do. A lot of the time I wish I had more of selflessness. I've only known her for about a year, but she already knows me and my moods way too well. Vanity is going to go pretty far in life. I hope that I will still be friends with her when she finally gets there. She and I could make some pretty hot mocha babies.



This post, although it actually took me a long time to finish, is basically just me rambling about my friends and some of the greatest people I've met during my time in college. Hey, I'm getting old (23 now) so I am allowed to reminisce and rant about those who mean the world to me.

Danny Roberts

I just wanted to take a little bit of a time out and let people know that Danny Roberts visited our campus yesterday to talk about his life as well as the issue of "Don't Ask Don't Tell" policy in our government's military.

I couldn't believe I was actually in the same room as someone who I admired so much while he was on MTV's Real World. Honestly, he was the first gay man I had seen who didn't have to be flamboyant and feminine and yet was still himself: an average gay man. That's what I strive to be, myself without all the fashion sense and girly personality.

Couldn't believe it, Danny freakin Roberts, and I actually got to be in the same room as him. How often do people get to meet one of their idols? Amazing.

Huge Leap Forward: College

For anyone and everyone college should be something you experience. Not staying home and commuting to college everyday for classes like you did in high school, but the hard, fun, shocking, sad, horrible, awesome, amazing, frustrating, stressful, and ultimately worth it experience of living on campus. You'll meet people that you will never talk to again, people you will dislike with every fiber of your being, people who make you think your heart will just cease beating if you never see them again, and people who will be your friends forever all while attending this strange thing called the undergraduate college.

Most high school graduates these days go to college. Or at least, that's what I hear. They arrive on campus to move into their dorm rooms. Most of them still have their families in tow helping out. These high school graduates have just completed something amazing, high school. But oh they are in store for so much more.

There is a pretty noticeable leap in adulthood that has to be made for the high school graduate to become a successful college student. For many, it's the first time they will be on their own. For the first time there is no one to watch over them. It's time to get big or go home.

So some people end up going home.

But even more are able to stick it out and experience something meaningful.

One of the hidden secrets of going to college is getting involved. Whether you're just actively trying to involve yourself with people you now live near or an organization on campus, do it. It might be a little intimidating, but be bold and get out there.

Now, when I went to college I was one of those people who had to force themselves to get out there and meet people. Within the first year and a half I lost 65 pounds, changed my major twice, I had joined a fraternity, joined and left Habitat for Humanity, and joined a professional fraternity associated with my new and current major.

I definitely met people I didn't like, but I met even more that I will love forever, whether or not we stay in touch after we graduate in May. And can I add that it's about time, I've been an undergrad for going on five years now. I'll be focusing on people who have changed my life here at Truman and just leaving all the bad behind.

Till then.

Typical, oh so typical

I figured that every blog needs a little bit of a background and so here's mine.

I come from a broken home, broken meaning my parents are divorced although I don't remember them ever being together. My dad and my mom got divorced sometime when I was two and my brother was only about 6 months old. Originally, we lived with our mom. That is, until she decided she was too young to have two little kids staying with her. So we were shipped back to our dad. Guess how I found about this? In an argument with my dad a lot later in life. We're both very stubborn and have to win every argument. I pissed him off and he responded with that little bit of knowledge. I was crushed at the time and it also broke my brother's heart. He wasn't even involved in the argument and yet still ended up being hurt. We're past that now, however. I love my mom, I love my dad. There is absolutely no one in this entire world that I would rather have as either of my parents.

In hindsight, it was good that I ended up with my dad. We didn't have much, in fact we were outright poor. But my brother and I were taught that life isn't free and life isn't fair and that everyone has to do the best with what they have while continuing to strive to be better.

My mom remarried pretty quickly. My stepdad, Mike, has been there for as long as I can remember. They ended up having two kids, my half brother Joey, and my half sister Meghan.

My dad remarried when I was in third grade. My stepmom already had two kids, Ashley and Brandon.

My only real sibling is Jake. Throughout my entire life, he is the only person that has been a constant. We like to think that subconciously we both learned early on that each other were the only people we had that didn't change or didn't leave us alone. Probably as a side effect of that is that we have never fought a day in our lives. We know each other like open books. Today, I'm finishing up my undergrad career and he is about halfway through his term in the Army as a medic. This is the first time in our lives that we've been apart for so long. It's very strange for me to be able to say "I haven't Jake in over a year." I miss my brother very much.


My dad's parents are country folk who are amazing individuals. They actually took my dad, my brother, and me into their home after my parents got divorced. We lived with them until about kindergarten when my dad moved us to an apartment house that was basically the basement of a house where two elderly lesbians lived upstairs. We got a long great with Louise and Mary and still keep in touch with them to this day.

My mom's mom died from breast cancer way back when I was in middle school. My mom's dad is still alive although we never see him anymore. He used to beat my grandma until she left him and took their kids to try and make it on her own. She later remarried and the man she had remarried to is the only person I consider my grandfather on that side of my family.


See, just a typical American boy from an oh so typical American family.

Let me tell you a little story...

A lot of my friends have asked me to put down in words some of my experiences throughout my life. I'm doing so now in this blog as a means of a catharsis. Also, to show anyone who is interested my life, what I've done, what I've been through.

Nothing really matters anymore, I have no more secrets, and I'm going to be completely honest. I love you guys, I hope you'll still love me too.

Here goes nothing...