The Mind is a Terrible Thing to Waste

I'd like to introduce to you mind. Or, rather, what is currently assaulting my mind.

I don't know how your mind works but my mine is constantly thinking, constantly consulting itself and preparing scenarios for any possibility. Often times, my mind gets me into a lot of trouble. However, my mind also keeps me greatly entertained and capable of handling life and everything life gives me.

Like I recently told my boyfriend "eating those special cookies results in me getting trapped inside my head". I'm not sure he understands exactly what I mean when I tell him I'm trapped inside my head. It's simultaneously the most terrible and wondrous experience. Is there some sort of disorder for something like this? haha

Lately, I've been feeling wanderlust of the mind. There are so many things I want to do and feel like I will not be able to go through with all of them. Let me show you some of the things my mind feels drawn to:

• I work as a Membership Services Representative for the Pacific Science Center in Seattle. By no means is this my dream job. I've realized more and more that I want to work with young people - it's fun for me and is something that I can see myself enjoying as a career. Current hurdles: I recently had two interviews at my current place of employment that were both upgrades, in my opinion, that would have helped me come a lot closer to my career goals but was not offered either position. I've thought a lot about becoming a teacher (middle school science!) but cannot afford to go back to school. I know that there is financial aid available but I also feel like my boyfriend and I currently rely too much on my meager income for me to quit and go back to school full-time.

• I want to get back into pottery. Brandon and I went to a couple's night at Pottery Northwest in Seattle as part of our Valentine's Day celebration and loved being back on the wheel and throwing. When I was in high school I was really into throwing and would love to pick back up on the hobby. That night, I could feel the tension in my body going away from getting to throw again and I am realizing how much of a cathartic release being able to create works could be for me. Current hurdles: cannot afford the classes, my own wheel, or the tools to create.

• I am really driven towards completing and creating this game that my cousin and I have been working on for a long time. I have all these ideas (and even a primary introduction manual created) that is based on a previous written novel series (as well as I think board and card game?) that is designed for MMORPG PC use. Current hurdles: I live really far away from my cousin so getting together with him to work on things is impossible. I'm also kind of of the mindset to work on it when I want to work on it which seems to be much more frequent than when he is available. So, I've started looking into buying the supplies to do my own work. Yeah, can't afford the graphics tablets, programs, or training required. I'm also really short on the free time and work space that I feel I need to be productive.

• Volunteering has been a huge part of life. My volunteerism mindset began in college with Phi Sigma Pi but has really blossomed since coming to Seattle. Right now, I volunteer and work on the boards for two different organizations: Rain City Soccer Club and City Year Seattle/King County. City Year is the AmeriCorps program that brought me to Seattle (and subsequently saved me from the Midwest) and Rain City Soccer Club is the soccer organization that Brandon and I both play for. Of the two, I would say that both are on equal footing in my feeling of loyalty - one focuses on working for the benefit of youth and the other is an outlet for homosexual athletes; which, if you do not know, are issues that are both important to me. Current hurdles: I feel more creative freedom with RCSC and therefore tend to put more of my time towards it. I dislike having a national entity require things of me as a volunteer for CY and am probably not going to serve on its alumni board next year (school year). I'd much rather support the organization as a volunteer for events, food donor, extra person, etc. I guess you can say adhering to a set of national guidelines doesn't do it for me. Additionally, while this isn't the case with CY, I run into a great deal of apathy (apathy in the gay community!? no way!) within RCSC. People do not want to get involved in giving back.

• There's also a drive inside me that leans towards writing a book (me and everyone else, right?). The subjects are all over the place and this is probably one of the least developed thoughts inside my head. I have a variety of ideas that I'd like to pursue and can really see writing in many different genres. I love reading and I know that there are a lot of people out there who also love to read. Current hurdles: Probably everything else on my plate right now. When i have free time, I'd rather be working on something else. Not that I'm less interested in writing just that I feel more immediate about something else.

It would seem like time and money are the primary things holding my mind back. I have a huge belief that I can do great things if given the opportunity.

Now that I've written all of this, I'm starting to wonder if saying time and money are even viable as things holding my mind back. How can something so internally creative and powerful be held back by things that are external and/or superficial? Maybe that's because what my mind is driven by is creating. I've always considering myself not that creative but it looks like I might have been wrong.

This leads me to another thought: how many people out there are like me where finances and opportunity are keeping back creative power and ideas? Is this a representation of American economy? Social structure?

There's an old saying that money cannot buy happiness. I think that's true, however, money can definitely help put an overactive mind at ease.

Assault rifle in my kitchen?

So, two dudes robbed a bank in South Lake Union, which is an area in Seattle. One was caught almost immediately and the second holed himself up in his apartment. Which just so happened to be in the building right behind our house. I was inside folding laundry and Rust was out back trying to figure out how to change his air filter when I heard a lot of "Get on the ground, get on the ground!" from out front.

Me, my roommate, Tai, and her boyfriend run to the front to see what's going on. We see some college kid get searched and let go by cops. The cops then start running around the other side of our house, they have guns drawn and my first thought it is "Shit! Brandon is back there!" I run around the side of the house and see him running to our basement door to lock it. Some cop with some huge assault rifle looking thing just told him to get inside and lock the doors. Which we do.

By now, the four of us are watching out the windows to see what's going on. Cops are all over our backyard and the alley there. They have a big blue house behind ours surrounded with these huge guns pointed at it. Soon, a huge armored vehicle arrives with SWAT members and more of them take up positions around the house.

One of the cops notices us and yells "how do you get in your house!?". We tell him, and three of them come around front. They post up in our second floor kitchen and one of them says "if he comes out of that house with guns blazing, will you shoot through the screen [of our window] or knock it out first?".

They stay upstairs for the next four hours watching the house. The one with the big gun is replaced halfway through and one of the cops leaves with him. Brandon asks one of the replacements if they are going to buy us pizza. They say they can't but are in good humor about it. I've long since checked our basement and no one was down there. Ironically, Rust was telling a passing cop outside that our basement door (which has access outside and inside our house) was open and unlocked when all this started. I came out of the basement right after he finishes telling the cop. Brandon freaks out that I went down there alone (it was the widest I've ever seen his eyes - if you look at his pictures, you'll see what I mean, lol). I respond with "I took a knife with me."

Tai, her boyfriend, and Brandon spent most of that time watching everyone and speculating on what's going on. I spend most of that time designing shoes on Nike's website. For the first two hours, Rust is on the phone with random friends and family members telling them the same story about what happened. He's really jittery and excited and scared all at the same time. The intersection outside our house is roped off and apparently Brooklyn (my street) from 52nd to 55th is unavailable. So, the roommates of mine who were at work couldn't come past the tape to get inside. One of them was outside for 2 hours able to see her house but unable to get inside it.

To be honest, it was annoying. Tuesday is my day off and here I am unable to leave my house and everyone around me is pumped about what's going on - maybe I'm just an attention whore and wanted people to talk to me. We're making dinner at around 5:30pm when the cops upstairs leave. They thank all of us and even the guys who were there first come back and ask if they broke anything and to also thank us for letting them use our house - which helped them gain huge respect points from me.

They eventually got the guy but I'm not sure how. I don't know if they had to go in or if he came out on his own. I wasn't paying attention anymore by that time.

I have to go outside that night with Rust to pick up the tools he had left out there and to shut the hood on his car because he's too afraid.

Brandon and Tai's photos and videos from their phones are on every single news station website. Here's a link to one of them that actually sites the two of them: http://www.seattlecrime.com/2010/02/09/swat-team-called-to-the-university-district

All of the pictures and videos are from looking out of our windows. If you check Rust's Facebook, he put up pictures of the cops actually inside our house.

I need to move out of the ghetto.