Alumni

April 23^rd, 2007. It’s a typical Kirksville night in a typical Missouri town. However, a group of very a-typical individuals are preparing to take another huge step in their lives: Graduation.

One thing that this diverse little posse shares is their affiliation. They are all brothers. Not in the sense of my grandma is your grandma, sitting by the fire… Oops, different story. They are all members of Phi Sigma Pi, a national co-ed honor fraternity. Some of them met while joining this fraternity, some were friends long before, some will even be fortunate (or unfortunate depending on how you look at it) to spend the rest of their lives with someone they met in this organization.

Before this group can graduate they must complete one thing. To become alumni of Phi Sigma Pi. Apparently it is written somewhere that only people still in college can be an active brother. I use the term “active” loosely you know what I mean.

The specifics of the night are lost. This is done purposefully as ceremonies are not something that is talked about after the fact. But I’d like to give you a little snapshot and as a parting gift into what it’s like to be around this people. Read this, while taking it slow and looking over one of the best pictures I’ve ever seen.

I’ll move from left to right and introduce you to some of the greatest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting.

Chad, Bethany and Heath. Obviously, something has just happened that has shocked Chad, amused Bethany, and caused Heath some level of consternation. I am willing to bed that Heath’s little (I will leave her nameless) just flashed them. Yep, that is probably what happened.

Next you will see two observers. Amy and Andrew. Amy is most definitely spying on the ruckus in another part of the crowd. Andrew is laughing as his girlfriend makes a hefty proposition.

What would that be? Well, that’s easy. Erin, Matt, and Plog are posing for some candid shots for their ménage.

Behind them is Jared, he’s the only person in the entire picture actually doing what he’s supposed to be doing: posing for the picture takers.

Slightly hidden are Casey and Jeff behind her. The two of them are watching the theatrics of another group very close by…

Abbie is so obviously turning to get her revenge on David who definitely copped a feel. It’s a good thing these two are getting married because I don’t know anyone else who could handle their level of craziness.

Directly to the right of this couple is Kalen. She has got to be wondering two things: 1) How can I keep Abbie’s hair from hitting me in the face when she turns really fast again, and 2) Why are these weirdoes behind me laughing so loudly?

Those weirdoes behind her happen to be Alan and Jennifer. They are obviously having a good time and this is why. Moments before, Alan’s nose somehow ended up in Jennifer’s eye… Yeah, that’s what I thought too.

The next three people in the back are Josh, Jenna, and Eddie. Josh is obviously trying to maintain his badass reputation by avoiding smiling at all costs. Jenna and Eddie are both just wondering what the hell could be so funny with Alan and Jennifer.

The last three ladies are Mandy, Lauren, and Amanda. These dames are doing some suggestive poses for the cameras and the paparazzi. Watch out world, they might be too hot to handle.

So, I hope you enjoyed my little story about one of the best pictures I have ever seen. It's time for a new chapter to begin for all of these folks and by golly, they are more than ready for it.

Water Balloon Fights

Yesterday we had one of the best ideas: to have a Water balloon Fight!

Well, actually my friend Matt's mom had the idea. She sent him some water balloons for his birthday, which also happened to be yesterday (who knew?). A group of us decided to get it done and turn Friday afternoon into a wet sticky fun fest.

It started off with everyone meeting at my place. Well, almost all of us. Scott, Amy, Matt, and I all met at my place and we decided to go looking for a spicket to begin filling water balloons. We had some time before Chad and Erin were going to catch up with us. We all piled into my pickup and headed off to a park nearby, however, along the way good ol' Baby (my truck) decided that she would run out of gas. Poor gal. On top of that, the park had nothing we could use to fill up balloons with. So, we very carefully got the truck to a nearby gas station and left it there. Worse still, none of us had brought our wallets or any type of money.

So we called for help.

Erin picked up first and told us she was on her way. Quite a bit later Chad calls us and he is at my place looking for us. We tell him what has happened and he tells us he is on his way to come get us. Erin and Chad both pull up at the same time, go figure. During this time, Matt, Amy, Scott and I decide to sit on the curb like a bunch of hooligan good-for-nothing kids. We pretty much rocked that look.

Erin is kind enough to spot me $5 to give Baby some gas. We now have an entourage and I tell them that we should head to a different park where I am sure there is a spicket we can use.

Yeah, I was wrong.

Chad finally suggests that we just go to his and Scott's apartment because their faucets are pretty small. So we do and we have a blast getting soaked trying to fill up these balloons and tie them. We also pretty much trashed their apartment (Sorry guys!). But if you ever need someone to make water balloons for you, use Chad. He was on the phone talking to his pops and producing as many balloons as 4 of us in an assembly line were producing all by his self. Jesus, is there anything he isn't good at?

During this, a little bird tells us that another group of our friends is all sitting on a porch at someones house drinking and enjoying the great weather. Why weren't we invited? We ask each other. So, we decided to take some revenge.

We all get some balloons (including my favorite condom-balloon filled with water mixed with shaving cream) and get into Matt's truck. He has a topper over his bed and we hide Chad, Scott, Erin, and Amy inside while Matt and I are in the cab. We go down this back alley behind this other group's house and do a surprise attack. The topper pops open and those 4 unleash a barrage of balloons. Matt and I also rush out and add to the colorful volley of wetness. After we unload, we quickly rush away and disappear into the dust.

However, we are not satisfied.

Plans are put into motion to attack again. This time, a surprise attack on foot. We park almost two blocks away from the other house and run over (surprisingly, we are right in front of the apartment complex where my friend Asia lives). We convene on the far side of the house and listen to the people on the porch. All seems fine and dandy. Then Scott launches a balloon over the roof (while dropping and destroying the other three he had, mind you). We listen for a second and then we here some screams. The balloon hit was successful. We use this diversion to launch the full attack and all of us run around the house and pelt the group with water balloons. Unfortunately, we only get one of the girls wet. Some of the water balloons are pretty tough and don't break at all. We quickly run back to our rides and discover that one of the guys from the party is chasing us. He doesn't last long though and Matt succeeds in getting him wet as well.

After this, we decide we are done with this group and want to get on with the real fun: our water balloon fight. We all head back to my place where Matt and I rush out of Matt's truck and into the house. Matt had bought a slingshot to use with balloons and we are hoping to turn the attack on Amy and Erin when they get there. However, Scott and Chad think we are trying to ambush them and they rush inside through a different door. So, Matt and I quickly recruit Erin and Amy to turn the attack against the other two guys. We wait for them with Matt holding one end of the slingshot and Erin holding the other. I have cocked back and ready to fire. Everything is set.

Chad and Scott rush out of the house and see the slingshot and stop dead in their tracks.

I fire the slingshot and... nothing happens. The damn thing was too tight and acted like a glove around the water balloon and keeps it safe and secure inside its grasp. This is when Scott and Chad attack. I dodge the ones coming after me but Matt and Erin aren't so lucky. Erin says "Matt, don't let go." And what does he do? He lets go of his end of the slingshot. The recoil is super fast and snaps in on Erin and gets her in her side. She has a huge red bruise from the handle of the thing.

She muscles through her pain, however, and the rest of the afternoon we attack each other with water balloons. Scott ends up getting pelted right under his right nipple that leaves a nice welt thrown by yours truly and Matt gets hit in his neck which results in a huge hickey looking blotch. We end with some really cool pictures and have some cake for Matt's birthday inside. We use matches instead of candles, which was a pretty short lived experience.

All in all it was a pretty fun day. We ended it with drinking and another party at my place that got a little crazy (like normal, eh?).

I may need to rent kids so I can still have fun like this after I graduate. I don't want to grow up.

Happy birthday, Matt.

No way!

I just received news from one of my sisters, Ashley and...


I am going to be an uncle!

Well, I will in about 8 months and 2 weeks!

Holy crap!

One more week...

... of classes at Truman. Then after that, finals week.

The count down is beginning for real and I am so ready.

This weekend was a pretty good one. I did a crap ton of partying. Friday one of our friends came to visit us and we all went to the bars with her. My cousin, Mike, was also in town and it's always amazing to get to see one of the fam.

I really don't know where I'm going with this post, so I apologize for it being lame already.

Saturday was pretty cool. We had Family Day for our frat and a lot of parents got to come up and hang out. My dad and step mom were able to visit, which was also great. Especially since they took me out for lunch and bought me groceries. We had a banquet that night for the families and also to have a little fun occasion for all of the graduating brothers. We did superlatives and I was given "Life of the Party" and it was presented to me by one of my favorite new people, Mark. I'm going to miss that guy after I graduate. Later that night, a lot of us drank (I know, big surprise there!), visited a house party, and then went to a Prism dance/show/thingy. When I woke up, I didn't remember how I got back to my place. Ugh, I'm stupid. But, I didn't drive. Of that, I'm sure. So at least one small victory for me.

I think more and more that although I say I am leaving and I am never coming back to this town that I just might be lying. The people make it worth it. I just may have to make a return. Luckily, another new favorite brother, Matt, has offered to house me if I ever do return. So it's becoming more of a possibility.

We will have to wait and see, I guess.

Failing isn't always so bad...

This morning I received word back on something that I kept a sort of secret. Although, now looking back, it was kinda of silly of me to do so.

I applied to Teach For America (TFA) earlier this semester never once thinking I would get as far as I did. That was a partial reason for my secrecy, I don't like to fail and I especially don't like to have others see me fail. I never thought I would get into Teach For America so I didn't tell any of my friends about it. I also knew some of my other friends were applying as well.

Well, I was surprised when I found out I made it past the application process and was being asked to participate in a phone interview. Still, I told no one. It wasn't until after my phone interview and finding out that I was actually being asked to participate in the final interview that I started telling people.

By this time, others I know who had applied did not get accepted or as far as I had. Their responses seemed to be angry and put out. I didn't want to cause a problem by letting them know that I too was trying it out.

I wasn't nervous about the final interview. I've done so many interviews in my lifetime that it no longer affects me.

I went into the final interview with this philosophy: "If I get it, awesome. I know I will do amazing. If I don't get it, then that's cool too. I would have done horribly then if I had somehow gotten past the 'Fate' police." I am a firm believer in things happening for a reason. I honestly believe that now, in me not getting accepted into the 2007 corps (yeah, it's official) that this is how things were supposed to go. I also understand that those who have been picked are going to be amazing and they are going to bring a lot of good into this world to people who deserve it so much.

I definitely didn't want to become one of the bitter folks who were upset with TFA for not accepting them. I can see what TFA is doing, and it is amazing that there are quality people out there working at progress. Haha, I only hope that there were some people in my interview group who got in. I had a lot of fun with those folks.

I will admit that a part of me was hoping I wouldn't get it. Probably more of me than was hoping I would get it. Being a teacher in that corps is going to be a lot of work. I don't know if I possess that level of ability, but I am pretty confident that those who do get invited into the corps are capable and will serve as great mentors for kids all over this country.

So, I didn't get it, and that's cool with me. I'm not bummed out, I'm not going to mope around. I'm just going to do my thing and be me.

Guess that means I'm really going to have to start looking for a job!

Dreams

Lately I've had the most disturbing dreams.

Before I begin explaining them, I want the reader to understand that it is not uncommon for me to dream of fantastical things and also not rare for my dreams to involve violence in some form. I also tend to remember my dreams very well. Or at least the ones I have right before I wake up as I tend to dwell on them while I am getting ready in the morning. I don't know if I have more dreams than the ones I remember. I don't know what this says about me as a person, but it's the truth, and since I have no more secrets these days I'm all for telling it how it is.

Earlier this week, I dreamt of blood. Everything about the dream was focused on blood. Dead animals, dead people, dead things, everywhere. But the commonality between each object was the blood. Mass quantities of it. I've seen my fair share of horror flicks and thrasher movies so I am not new to descriptions or visuals of violence, blood and gore. I also tend to read books that involve these things as well. It is, however, uncommon for me to dream so vividly about them. During this particular dream, I know that the majority of the dream was about the blood itself, its color and the abundance. However, the only part that I can remember in complete detail is the ending, right before I woke up. For some reason, someone sprayed blood at me and it got all over my shirt. Everywhere, all over me. I remember thinking "They just ruined my shirt." And then, my alarm went off.

Last night this blood dreaming was taken to a whole new level. I dreamt of blood again, although it wasn't the entire focus, it was still everywhere and on everything. Once again, the only parts I can remember completely are the parts right before I wake up. However, I do know that the majority of the dream was focused on a man. And I think he was dead. Or at least he should have been because he was decaying and I could see his teeth out the side of his face. His skin was also peeling off.

I love horror movies and I love the feeling of being scared. So whoever this guy was could be some shadow of the movies I own and watch.

Still, this man was obviously the villain of this dream. He created more people like him. Or was it he killed people and they became like him? I don't remember. I just remember seeing him, fearing him, and knowing that he would be hard to stop.

I end up going to live with other regular people in this dream. A whole city of them. However, this city (sounds a little like Land of the Dead, eh?) is only reachable by roller coasters. I haven't been on a roller coaster in years. The city was pristine; everything was white and clean. I remember specifically trying to climb one of the things the roller coasters ride on and having some lady tell me "If you have to do that, it is already too late." Tell me that's not cryptic. Somehow, I knew she was talking about the man and his goons.

Next, I am suddenly outside. I am with a group of people from the city and we are investigating something. I don't know what it is, I don't remember if I ever even got to see it. We are attacked although I don't remember seeing the things coming at us. They are just suddenly there. I remember seeing this other man (who I somehow know to be "special" or different) get his arm sawed off and then cut down by the villain's goons. The goons attack the others with me first. I see one of the goons, a woman who is clearly middle eastern, destroy another person in my group. I also seem to understand that she is dangerous, but that she will die soon, somehow. That is, if she isn't already dead just by being one of the villain's cronies. There is blood everywhere, staining the sand. Why are we now standing on sand?

The villain is there. Although he doesn't participate in the slaughter. I don't even remember if I knew where he was exactly, only that he was present. I see the group of bad guys kill the last person that came with me and then turn as a group to face me. They seem reluctant or cautious, I dunno. That leads me to believe that I am someone dangerous in this dream. Like them, only on the regular peoples' team.

They do not attack me. Neither does the villain. None of them get the chance before my alarm goes off and I wake up.

I don't think I rested last night. I was tired and worn out all day. My temper had already peaked before I even had left my house. Every little thing threatened to set me off. I feel bad now for anyone who was in my way this morning.

I wonder if the villain or the blood will be there tonight. I'm not worried that it will be.

I think instead, I am excited and hopeful that it will, I want to see the ending.

We shall see.

Easter Weekend

This past weekend was a little strange, but interesting. In fact, when I came back to school after this weekend I was rejuvenated and ready to go.

I went home Thursday as I had something on Friday that was a little more important than my class.

Thursday night was one of my grandparent's birthday. The birthday was one like many. However, during the party, one of my sisters announced that she and her boyfriend would be getting married. I think that some family members knew it was coming as it didn't seem to be that big of a surprise. She decided to show me and my brother Brandon the ring first. And, in typical Josh idiocy, I said "It's so small..." without thinking beforehand at all. Wonderful, idiot. My dad and my grandma thought it was pretty funny. But I could tell my grandpa and step mom didn't like it one bit. The thing is, is that I meant the band was so small not the diamond. The diamond was actually rather big. I was thinking how that would never fit on one of my fingers when I made that statement and then had to defend myself and try to clarify things to the fam. I'm a special boy.

Friday was really interesting as well. I had a potential job interview that I kept secret for awhile. I'm going to keep who it was for secret for awhile longer until I find out if I got it or not. The event was supposed to last all day, however, I ended up getting done around 2pm. I noticed that I am completely comfortable in interview type settings, but presenting things to an audience is nerve wracking. Afterwards, my dad (the interview was in my home town, which worked out amazingly since Easter was also that weekend and I wanted to be home for it) took me to a restaurant in our hometown called Hu Hut or something. It is amazing! It's a mongolian restaurant that has you take the raw ingredients, AKA chicken, beef, pork, crab, etc., and add any variety of noodles and vegetables to your bowl. After that, you pick out different types of oils to put on top of it and take it to this round grill thingy. One of the workers will take it from you and grill the mass of food right in front of your eyes. I absolutely love this place. I only wish that my bro could have gone with us as I know he likes it too but is stuck in the Army still.

Saturday was also very interesting. Well, I was actually bored most of the day until I went out to lunch with my pops and step mom. We went to Chevy's, which has my most favorite salsa out of any mexican restuarant I have ever been to.

After that, I decided that I really was going to go out that night. I went to walmart and picked up a cheap bottle of Pink Catawba. It's a type of wine that is inexpensive and not too bad. Dan got it for me once and I have been hooked ever since. I drank the entire bottle inbetween watching Casino Royale with my pops. I tried to hide that I was drinking, but somehow he knew. He asked where I was going and I told him that I was probably going to McNally's with Matt, but it was a lie. I knew I was really going to go to Soco, a gay bar in my hometown. But I wasn't sure how he would take that. We've completely avoided the issue since the day I actually came out to him. Oh well.

Soco was Soco. There was a typical show going on. I can't remember if it was a lesbian show or a gay show. I was only there for the end of it and was already a little tipsy. In any event, a guy came up to me not long after I got there and asked if I wanted to hang out with him and his friends. I said sure. This is a pretty common event for me, as I suck at going up to talk to other people and normally wait for them to approach me. His name was TJ and his friends were Bobby, John, and Brett. Apparently John and I have met there before, but I didn't remember him. We just hung out, drank (TJ kept buying me drinks all night. I spent like $5 total there.), and eventually danced after the show and the floor was cleared. I hate sounding conceited, but I can get down for a white guy. I notice when people notice me dancing and although when I'm sober I hate being the center of attention, I kinda enjoy it when I'm drunk. As long as the music is music I like and can dance to. What kind is that? Crunk. That should sum it up. Eventually, the night was over and the guy that these four fellas were there to pickup got off of work. His name is Brad and he was one of the bartenders at Soco. I exchanged numbers with TJ, he invited me to his Easter celebration the next day, and I went home.

Sunday was great. The older I get the more I enjoy family get togethers. Early in the morning, my sister and her boyfriend (now fiance I guess) came over and had brunch. Haha, I hate using the word brunch. It makes me seem upity or of a higher class than I actually am. Later, we went to one set of grandparents and then later another. TJ had been texting me during the day to see if I was going to come and eventually I said I would.

The catch is this: his Easter thing is a whole different town. Over an hour south of where I was. That was a little bit of a putoff but I evetually was like "What the hell, I'm going to go for it." So I went. I met TJ and Brad at the top of some highway and followed them back to the house. It was a bonfire party whose partiness had apparently died out earlier in the night. When I got there, only TJ's parents were outside still. TJ himself had passed out in the car just on our way to the house and I was left with Brad. He and I went up to the bonfire to talk to the parents and get warm next to the fire. This cold weather right now, sucks, by the way. Eventually, Brad offered me a drink and we went inside to make one. I felt a little out of place when I went in as there were people spread out everywhere trying to go to bed, and here I was just ready to begin the night. We went into the kitchen and found TJ's little sister who was pretending to be drunk. She ended up coming back outside with us and stayed with us pretty much for the rest of the night. TJ's parents ended up going to bed (his dad was hilariously drunk - ask me to show you how the man was dancing to his classic rock music sometime) and so the three of us just stayed outside. The night continued with me staying completely sober and teaming up with the little sister while she made fun of Brad. Eventually, Brad asked me if I was going to stay there or if I was going to go back to my hometown. I told him I was going to go home, I didn't feel comfortable there and probably shouldn't have been there in the first place. He asked if I would take him back with me and I said sure. He lives and works in my hometown.

On the way back, I focused on keeping him talking about himself as I know some people feel uncomfortable with silence. I don't, I actually like it. But most people are not like me. I kept thinking during the ride if we were going to hook up if it was a possibility. I wouldn't have been opposed to it, but I had no idea what he was thinking. The main goal of the drive back was to find a place that sold cigarrettes. Gross. But we eventually found some at a city about a half hour from home. He touched my face and asked me at one point if I always have facial hair. I said "Yep, does it look bad?" and mentally thought: clue one, we might be doing the dirty. When we got back to my hometown, I took him to his apartment complex. And he told me to find a place to park. Clue two, more evidence. He asked me if I wanted to come inside for a bit and I replied "Sure." Clue three, uhh, most likely nastiness is to ensue. We went inside and turned on the Family Guy movie. I have never seen it although Stewie is one of my idols, along with my hero, Cartman from South Park. During the movie he grabbed my pec like my friend Asia always does and says this phrase: "I'm just putting it out there." And that solidified all the clues. We did it then, and stupidly of me again, I didn't use protection. Am I not the epitome of stupidity? I sure am. I have only a few things going for me that are a little more personal than what I can put on this blog that will save me from getting something. I ended up leaving not long after and made it to my dad's house a little after 6am in the morning. It was the day after Easter and my pops was already at work. Wow.

Brad had told me to stop by his work before I left town to go back up to school but to call him before hand. I did, but never got a reply, so I didn't go see him. It's all good. In this world, people are often just there to get off. I'm one of them and am used to this lingo. I have, however, talked to TJ multiple times since Sunday. Apparently, John doesn't like me because TJ showed interest in me. Also, that John, TJ, and TJ's ma took bets that morning if Brad and I had hooked up. "Brad's got a track record." Was what I was told. TJ believes that Brad's goal the entire night was to take me home, which is why he stopped drinking after TJ told him I was going to come up. Cool, I'm pursued.

This night, is just a little bit of what it's like to be me. I hope you enjoyed its telling. But please, don't do what I did. Use a freakin condom.

It's Coming

Graduation is coming around the corner. I, honestly, cannot wait. I am definitely one of those people that has experienced all I can in this environment and this place. I've got the friends that I will know for the rest of my life and that's enough for me.

This school, Truman, was amazing if only for the people I had the chance to meet. I can't wait for graduation. My ma is coming down here and she has never been to Truman in all the five years that I have been a student. My pops will be here too and I'm going to just enjoy the moment.

As for now though? I just got back from working out. I stink. I'm sweaty. And I'm in desparate need of a shower.

But tonight? Well... tonight is Amy's birthday. It's an occasion and a reason to go all out.

The War is Over.

The war is over. The going was rough. Many were lost on both sides.

But I have emerged victorious.

Biochemistry has failed at destroying my life, once again.



I CAN FREAKING GRADUATE!!